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SEVEN YEARS AGO--I was seventeen years old and just finished up my senior year of high school. I know that a lot of pple would have expected me to think of going away from home into what you would call the so college life, but if you don't necessarily know about my personal life circumstances I can only hope that will answer your questions. After I had attended this so called Disability National Youth Leadership Conference in October of last year, one of the staff who was with us mentioned their adaptive going away to college program called "Aggies Elevated." At this time in my life, it certainly sounded like an adventure and something completely new to see myself getting into with figuring out the decisions I'd have to make in this process. I have been a volunteer aide at this local elementary school for many years and never imagined myself wanting to leave that behind me, to start on this new journey of being more independent. To make this long story short, I never ended up applying to be in this program and as incredibly disappointated as I felt at the time-- there was not an option of me ever wanting to leave everything back at home. Over these past seven years of being a volunteer aide at Westridge Elementary, words will never be able to describe what a great life changing experience it has turned out to become. I have loved getting to help out so many awesome students over the years and learning from them has been such an absolute treasure for me, whether you know it or not. It has truly given me the opportunity to grow and step out of my comfort zone a little bit in a way that I never felt as comfortable doing at the time, but I am never gonna trade this experience for anything else in this world. I am so grateful for the two amazing teachers that I've had the privilege of working alongside with this year and I feel so blessed to have done whatever was necessary. Thank you both so much for an unforgettable school year and one that I will cherish in my heart forever!!

Three Days left until this school year is over... which I will admit has my mind all over the place. It has been such an amazing time for me to learn things that I never thought I'd see myself do. I am so grateful for the skills I have been able to take away from this year and I cannot wait to see what the future has in store. It is hard to even believe that another year has come and gone so quickly, but I'll never forget those many memories that I was able to make with my students. There is not one single thing that I would have felt like needed to be changed this year (expect for maybe when I didn't feel as though I performed various tasks as well I wanted to.) In spite all of the many ups/downs that I've had throughout the years from this experience, I cannot even begin to thank everyone enough for the appreciation and love that I've felt since coming into this chapter of my life. Thank you all so much for letting me have the volunteering opportunity of a lifetime and cannot wait to see the next school year holds for us!! 

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NINJA Mentor Training

As many of you know that I've been a participant at this NINJA Youth Leadership Conference for three years and then getting the opportunity to go back as a Mentor this summer is such a dream come true!!! I am very much aware of the many expectations and guidelines that I will need to be following in order for this to be a successful week for those involved. It's really amazing to have a chance of being able to offer as much support and input as I can to the youth we are serving, but as well as helping out the Center Staff too. They are such a great and wonderful group of people who have continously supported us in everything that we've done, whether or not we noticed just how much of a impact it would make on our lives. After having been to the conference as a participant, there was absolutely nothing about it I would have wanted to see change or taken place differently- regardless of what those are. 

YESTERDAY AFTERNOON-- My mom and twin sister drove me & our best friend, Danielle up to Salt Lake so that we could attend this NINJA Mentor Training. This particular meeting was truly an amazing experience for us who are going to be there as Staff and believe me, it is a lot more than I'd originally saw on the application. All of us have specific things that we need to work on before this conference takes place and trying not to be too loud, shy, or finding ourselves talking too fast that a lot of people won't be able to understand. It certainly has me thinking fairly hard about making sure that I follow the rules/guidelines as best as I possibly can, because if you must know-- going to this from a different point of view. There have been various moments when I tend to find myself talking way too fast and not being able to slow down what is coming out of my mouth. I know it will be an amazing opportunity to grow as a person and self advocate in the sense, of being able to put my best foot forward in this conference. I am incredibly grateful for this new role that my friends & I will be able to take on throughout the week that we are there helping out. It will not only be super fun, but I know there will be a lot of things I need to take seriously and not be someone who won't be willing and brave enough to step up on things as much as I possibly can. 

To make this long story short, all of the mentors/our staff who were there with us took all of girls out to lunch at Cafe ZUPAS!! (Absolutely incredible and scrumptious if you must know... there is not one thing there I haven't liked or that wasn't the best meal choice for me.) It was super fun getting to have that girl time together and laugh till our hearts were completely tired!! After that, we headed back to the office and watched two videos of what leadership means to us, rather than making it a lot more of a bigger deal than it should be. It is simply about reaching out to people or friends that we know, in a way that we haven't ever been able to do before-- but I also think it has to do with the little things. It's definitely one of the most rewarding things that I'll probably ever get to do as a self advocate, but I'm more than happy to take this leadership role very seriously and give a helping hand whenever it has to be needed at any given moment. 

#NINJA4Life

Crazy Friends (Part One)

Utah Independent Living Centers - Green River, Utah Camping Expedition 2016


Think about this for a little bit:

One of my best friends from the other ILCS (Independent Living Centers) in the state of Utah was in attendance at this campout and let me tell you, when anyone of us gets together it is literally CRAZY with too many laughs to share!! Hayley and I along with our friends at this campout were sitting all together waiting for dinner to get started, so we decided to play a game of UNO to kill some time. It was probably the absolute most funniest and awkward experiences of my life, because I didn't even know how to play UNO let alone doing a very good job at something like this. I literally sucked at it more than you could ever possibly imagine because in my family, we don't necessarily play card games too often just simply because nobody in our house wants to do them. In this particular experience, I did not think for a second about the fact I wasn't doing all too great of a job in playing this well known game that a lot of pple know how to do a million times better than I do. Hayley mentioned to me she had sprained her ankle earlier that day from their previous hike that afternoon, while we went White Water Rafting for several hours on Green River. It was absolutely hilarious having myself laughing up a storm all night long that somehow in that process, without a shadow of a doubt ended up losing my voice from giggling so much and not being able to keep it under my self control. If I had laughed that way back home, my parents would have gotten after me for being a little too crazy & needing to settle down for awhile. I know that if this experience had gotten anymore crazier, I probably would've been sent off somewhere else and never to go back unless I was able to not laugh as much as I did in that very moment. It was literally the hardest that I'd ever giggled in my lifetime and whenever my best friend Hayley or I get together there is nothing but lots of laughs to share with her. She is the only person who can make me laugh so much that if I ever ended up doing it all over again!! She's always reminded me that I'm one of the only people she can be her crazy self around & yet it just continues to never stop anytime soon, which is totally fine considering that I love her personality/ craziness so much. 

Shout Out

My peeps from the other independent living centers across the valley have been such amazing and wonderful people in my life from when I first met them. They have definitely made me laugh really hard and cry till my heart was not able to take the fact, that I'd never be the same person I was when we first started attending this various activities together. We have shared so many laughs & amazing memories with each other on occasions when we'd run into one another for something that we would be able to participate in. I am so grateful for their influences in my life and giving me some of those memorable moments that have made with them more than anything in this world. Thank you all so much for being the greatest and most terrific friends that anyone could ever have!! I am looking into what this next phase of life has in store for all of us and hoping we can reunite again soon.  

Free Write

When you begin to catch even a glimpse of how your Heavenly Father sees in you and what He is counting on you to do for him, your life will never be the same.

Having been raised up in the gospel my entire life for about as long as I can remember, I would never once hesitate to think that because other pple may not agree with it--doesn't necessarily mean I'm letting it out of my sight. I know this gospel has not only brought so much happiness and joy into my life over the years, but it never once fails to remind me the importance of why I am here on this earth. My powerful testimony of this gospel immediately started growing when I attended special needs institute this semester at UVU. When I first shared my testimony of this gospel in this legit class not too long ago, it definitely was one of the most uncomfortable and yet spiritual experiences that I ever had in my life!! It was really neat to share what has continuously made me so happy in regards to the many things that we face in this life, but I would never see myself trade it for something that the world thought was better. I know for me having gotten up in front of pple and talking with them was not usually something I'd do just because of the awkwardness it would have in those moments, but this was completely different from that.

It was definitely such a spiritual experience for me to share what has continued to bring me so much happiness and never forget the lessons I learned from my institute classmates. They had such a light about themselves that warmed my heart more than words could ever possibly describe and I feel so incredibly grateful to have been among some of the best people ever. Their powerful testimonies of our Savior, Jesus Christ strengthened me so much and getting the opportunity to do that for the first time was a little bit nerve wracking for me, but I was so grateful that I did it. I am grateful for all of the many blessings that came into my life during that semester in our legit institute class. It was an amazing privilege for me to feel the spirit very strongly and testify of the things that mean more to me than I can even comprehend sharing with you all.

I greatly miss not being at Institute anymore and getting that chance to feel the love of my Savior on a regular basis. I'll just admit that it was such an amazing opportunity for me to learn from the most legit and sweetest institute teacher ever and I cannot even begin sharing nearly enough about them because they definitely made an impression on me more than they could ever imagine. I honestly felt incredibly blessed to have been a part of it and getting to learn so much from her was an absolute dream come true!!!! I am grateful for this gospel that always reminds me of what is most important in the world and never losing my sights on what I see in my future endeavors down the road. 

Life's not quite the same without institute, but seriously regardless of whatever happens in my life at some point in time I'll know that because of this gospel I have grown up with forever is going to help me through anything. I could easily tell you right now that the happiness I have felt from living this gospel my entire life has been nothing short of a blessing and comfort to me. It has definitely given me the hope and courage to keep pushing forward in the things that come into my path. I know it is never gonna get any much easier or less challenging for me, but with the Savior's help I will be able from this point forward to make it a priority in making it a part of my life as much as I possibly can.

Beautiful Perspective

"You are not called to serve in a place; you are called to serve in place of the Savior."

Whenever you think about someone heading off to a far away place and not knowing if you will ever see them again is a completely different situation to put yourself in for various reasons. I am most confident that this difficulty that I have had lots of time to reflect back on and immediately start realizing that this someone we love so much is serving in a place of the Savior. He went about his entire life serving those around him and instead of complaining on what easily could have been a very difficult task but saw it as an opportunity to change other people's lives. I would never have thought in the time that I've had to think on this particular case not having seen that way before somebody like me starts making all of these faults on the things they would be doing to make others happy. What extraordinary blessings they will have come into their lives as they are going about serving like the Savior did while he lived on this earth & instead of making themselves feel bad, it is not at all what I'd originally anticipated this to be. 

If you read through my last post on all of those emotionally upset feelings I had, it was certainly one of those experiences that I'm seriously hoping to never face again in my lifetime. I know it was not the easiest or happiest entry to read on this blog of mine but unless I decided to not share what was in my heart at that moment, my life would have been completely different right now. 

You Raise Me Up


When I am down and oh my soul, so weary
When troubles come, and my heart burdened be
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence
Until you come and sit awhile with me.


You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be


You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be


You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You rasie me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be


You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be


You raise me up to more than I can be.

During the course of while I was struggling through this tribulation and focusing on the Savior in a way that I cannot even begin to describe into words. He has raised me and each of us up during what we thought was the end of something we'd rather not have to experience again at some point in time. I would not even be the person I've become in this world if I did not have my Savior, Jesus Christ to give me that extra boost of confidence to see the good in what is around me. I know in these beautiful lyrics to the popular well known song, "You Raise Me Up" has definitely been such an escape for me to just continue relying on the one who has already gone through everything that we would ever not think of ourselves facing in our lives. He has significantly blessed my life in ways that I probably don't necessarily deserve for whatever reasons I could have thought of but it never fails to make me understand why it is that I am here on this earth to fufill that mission. 

In this beautiful portrait of Christ reaching down for this little girls hand to lift her out of the water, I cannot even begin to wonder that this is the way he continues to see in our daily lives on a regular basis. He is not afraid to reach out his hand & give us a boost to get up back onto our feet in spite of the challenges that hold us down from being closer to him. If there is one thing that I love about this picture is that we are never alone and even if we have difficulties that are not easy for us to deal with, I know it is because of him that we can make it through anything that our lives experience. 

Coping With Changes

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

As much as I absolutely loved and cherished my time being in the greatest YSA ward ever, I still and have always continuously struggled with accepting the changes of whatever the students decided to do with their lives. I would also think in my mind that they didn't want to be around me anymore or that it was just simply a way for them to completely forget about somebody like myself who loved and cared about them so deeply. Regardless of wherever they choose to go in this world of ours, I'm honestly just not certain to let them know what an emotional situation they are putting me into and maybe some of them are perfectly happy with it. My parents have reminded me several times that all of those kinds of people don't necessarily care for even a second about how hard it is for me to watch them go somewhere far away and not ever know if I'd even see them again. It was always left such a deep hole inside of my heart because I was never quite fully prepared for what their next chapters of their lives and wondering if it was just something they didn't want me to know about.

Some of my YSA friends really find an interest with creating Facebook pages for their friends and families to join and give them the extra support they need in order to accomplish whatever it is they are choosing to set their hearts on. I am honestly not sure why an individual like myself puts in an effort to check out these things... but not having realized what it was they were getting themselves into for some reason. Awhile back I was scrolling through facebook and trying to avoid the chance of every single spontaneous facebook page invitation that I'd get let alone having to not take too close to heart. I was not trying to be insensitive of their feelings and goals in life, but I am not necessarily happy with what I ended up seeing across on one of my friends facebook pages and staring blankly at that their sweet comment made. 

If there was much of anything to get out of this situation it was absolutely what I didn't expect to feel as emotionally upset and frustrated as I was at the time. I felt like my reputation was on the spot of just being at this edge of a cliff and hoping in that very moment to stand on both my feet. It was extremely hard for me to stare at those absolutely loving and firm words in this text message that this individual had sent me and even though they didn't come across being harsh, the instinctive thought of not knowing what I was going to feel in that moment if it should have been perfect joy or in other words angered emotions that were all mixed up inside me. I felt so completely and utterly alone in not realizing it was nothing that had to do with our friendship in anyway, but it felt like a part of their influence was no longer present which absolutely terrified me beyond words that you are reading in this blog post. 

This is so called facebook page was titled in abbreviated terms: UVMM. It was almost like this particular invitation to like this organization ended up coming to me as a punch in the stomach and that I was supposedly this person who got drawn into it for absolutely no logical reason whatsoever. Why in the world would I even have something to offer to this group of people who I wouldn't feel comfortable getting to know better or wanting to genuinely share my support for their efforts into making this not such a necessary issue in this world. I feel completely out of this emotional fear and deep frustration that this was exactly what someone whose SO close to me in life would politely ignore what my feelings about them doing this would be to a particular extent. I am not here to pretend like this has been one of the happiest times in my life because I can at least tell you what a hard & piercing experience this has turned out to be over the course of time. 

To make this long story short, it has been a couple of weeks now since this all took place and I'm gonna try my hardest to pretend like it's okay with me that this person wants to do some good in this world. I know for a person like myself who consistently doesn't want to have to handle the trials of life that it brings to them, there is probably much more to what I'm getting across in my blog post than at any other time. With all of this being said, I know that when I look towards the One who has already paid that ultimate price for us to live with him again and as long as we hang onto his hand, this life will be nothing short of a blessing. 

Reflections (Part Two)

"Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them."

I've always thought in the back of my mind that if there was anything I needed to work through in life, that I would just try to take care of it on my own and involve other people to help me out. Friendship has a very important part of my life and it was never something that I take for granted because from personal experiences I've learned to realize who my true friends are & others who are not. I am grateful for those people who have continuously reached out their hands to help me through what could be any particular situation and trying my hardest to never forget it. I know that not only does their support give me a boost of confidence I really need more than anything else, but having the knowledge of having the Savior on my side every single step of the way. He has guided me through moments that I thought were completely unncessary and not what I really wanted to experience for myself but it never fails to put a smile on my face, whenever I need it the most. He has never once let me not feel as though what he was putting me through at the time, was not something he knew I couldn't handle without his strength and direction. I am definitely humbled & blessed to know that in regards of whatever we are dealing with, all of us have someone who perfectly knows what it feels like to be in that challenging time. He has never once failed me in what could have been a lot more trying situation in regards of all that has taken place this week and seeing the light at the end of this tunnel. Remember awhile back in one of my blog posts when I shared about this portrait of Christ that hangs on the wall of my family room & I have looked carefully at that photo more times than I ever have before. It really has such a great and wonderful importance to me as I ponder on the many things that He has done for me so that I could be here today. 

When I Look At You


Everybody needs inspiration.
Everybody needs a song
A beautiful melody
When the night's are long

Cause there is no guarantee
That this life is easy

(Chorus) 
Yeah when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I
I look at you

When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home anymore
That's when I, I
I look at you



When I look at you, I see forgiveness, I see the truth
You love me for who I am, like the stars hold the moon
Right where they belong
And I know I'm not alone!

I honestly feel like the words in this beautiful song remind me of whenever we need to look at the brighter side of any situation we have in this life, that our Savior will be there to walk us through it and no matter the challenging times that lie ahead--there is no doubt in my mind about him talking with each of us through this song. Never shy away from turning yourself to someone who has been through it all and probably so much more than we could ever imagine at this time in our lives. This week has been one of the most spiritual and uplifting ones for me because in spite of all the many things that were going on around me. If there was anything from this week that I wished had never taken place, I probably would not be sitting here right now and sharing my thoughts with all of you on what this means to me on a personal level. I am truly blessed for the ways this life has continued giving me experiences so that I can keep learning and growing into what my Savior would like me 2 be in this world. 

Closing Remarks

I would never second guess that because of what I've shared with you all today, that I would not think twice about turning to look at the Savior for his strength in helping me through the struggles each one of us consistently deal with. I know he has raised me up to not only be a little better, but to never stop striving to be more like him in the many things that could easily bring us down. I know this gospel is true without a shadow of a doubt and I would not know what to do in any situation or challenge that he didn't know I couldn't see myself not putting my faith/trust in his hands. 

Reflections (Part One)

"Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior."

I've always known that regardless of anything I ever have to face in my life, the Savior will always be there for us and lift us up whenever we need him the most at any given moment. I have always known that for about as long as I can remember and trying to keep that spiritual perspective in mind at all times or wherever I am in this world. 

I know that faith doesn't necessarily make things easier for us, but it makes them possible and sometimes I need to recognize that in my life a little more than I normally do. I am not particularly sure what my Father in Heaven is trying to teach me at this time about whether or not I need to remember that His hand is always outstretched still waiting for me to take a hold of at some point whenever I need to hang onto it.



Whenever I have reflected back on this past week and the things that I have had to experience were incredibly difficult for a person like me to never quite fully understand for whatever reasons those may be. I know for me it hasn't ever continued to be so less or more challenging to keep those people in my life, than it has been over the past twenty years or whatever u would like to narcissistically picture that in your head.

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"A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand & touches your heart."

This past week I was about to the point where things in my life felt impossibly unbearable to look into seeing as a positive influence on me. I will not go into the details of what happened but the fact that it was not something I'd even come close to recognizing as a problem for me which it never will be at any time in my life. I know that I will never come to understand everything that took place over the course of this week alone and leading up to what was going on, I felt this emptiness in my heart--that I had never felt before but who knows what could happen down the road?? Am I ever gonna feel like it was an experience that my Father in Heaven knew I needed to go through in order to fully just understand what was happening in this moment?? I am probably one of the fewest people on planet earth who would ever learn something from what took place and not knowing if it was ever much of any of my business to have heard about this particular situation???? I may never have that answer to what I wanted to have at that time of this struggle and yet noticing everyone around me knew all of the circumstances in regards to the trial that was in front of their faces? I know my friends who had this experience not be of anything that was not close to necessary for me to be there in comforting each of them for???? 

I am not trying to come across emotionally negative about all of this, but in the sense of what I was experiencing this week alone I didn't feel nearly as prepared for what was to come. I know when my friends from many memorable moments of my life were there at this occasion we had attended, that even one of them who I have felt so immensely close to more than anything would not have seen all of that pain I was consistently having a hard time seeing past from what was in front of their faces... 

FLASH BACK to earlier this week and trying to emotionally understand what was really going on here. I will never fully understand the sense of what was happening and yet again I knew my heart was not ever going to feel the same again after a situation like this one. I know that it was not at all one of the happiest moments in my life and let alone was it that way for anyone elses. It has literally been a very difficult week for me to not see past what is right front of my face and letting it help me grow into a better person. I am not here today to make it come across being down about myself...but having realized that it was the way things needed to be is a little harder for me to kind of get the bigger picture into what this is really about. 

Am I ever gonna completely know or not feel like this experience was not something my Father in Heaven knew I needed to go through in order to just understand what had just taken place???? I am probably one of the few pple in this world, who would ever learn something from a trial such as this one and not have quite fully figured out what was making everyone grieve in such pain???? Obviously, I noticed everyone around who knew so much more about this than I did for me to make the effort of realizing that they knew exactly what was going on???? 




I will not ever quite have seen the bigger picture in what was truly an emotional rollercoaster of emotions for me?!?!! I may not see myself wanting to face this kind of situation again and yet it was nothing more than just a whirlwind of ya know unexpected/confused feelings?? I'll most likely never know why things didn't turn out better than it should have and regardless of whatever those hardships are that come into our lives, We have someone there with us to make our burdens less heavy than it needs to be. 

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I am literally not sure what my heart would like me to write up today and it's simply because of things that I've experienced these past couple of weeks. I have tried to emotionally keep my head up high and sometimes I feel like it is exactly what I've got to be doing with myself right now. It really makes me wonder if the things that have happened in my life were necessary for me to go through and not feel like it wasn't supposed to teach me something important?? Regardless of the many things that I have experienced so far this year have literally strengthened my testimony of this gospel so much and I am grateful 4 the many blessings it continues to bring into my life. I am not someone who is very good at finishing their thoughts when it comes to blogging about things like this and maintaining that spiritual perspective. I cannot even tell you what an absolutely difficult few days it has been for me to have people that I've loved getting to know and love so much, leave from the things they were doing before to do other things instead. I have never dealt with so much mixed emotions since I've gone through stuff that I never expected it to see happen and yet it makes me wonder what else I could do to make it less difficult. I know everything has continued to maybe get a little bit harder and more trying than I was expecting them to, but I am grateful for the times I can learn to become more like my Savior. 

Awhile back I shared this beautiful and inspiring quote with a friend of mine, ever since that time I have been able to reread this over and over again. The profound effect it's had on my life has been absolutely wonderful and I know that as long as I continue to hang in there doing the best I possibly can we are gonna make it through any trial life gives us. I am grateful for the amazing peace this quote has brought me over the course of time and reminding me that even though it has not gotten a lot easier as the days have gone on, I know there is much more to look forward to. I am not writing this up today because I feel like things are not going right with my life, but to hopefully let people know that I am here to spread a message of what means a lot to me. I know that because of the things I have emotionally struggled with over the years, that I know my Savior, Jesus Christ will always be there with me to lend his hand that is outstretched still. I am humbled & blessed to be a part of an amazing purpose of why I am here on this earth to never forget what my special mission is. There are so many things in each of our lives that probably seem a lot harder than it appears to be right in front of us, I know there is a light at the end of every tunnel.