Early Start

TONIGHT---I received the news about heading back over to the elementary school and can't wait to help out with anything that needs to be done. I am incredibly thrilled to look forward to this amazing new school year and the many experiences that will get to be a part of. I really didn't necessarily quite think it would happen so quickly considering most of the teachers would need extra time, figuring all their stuff out before they are ready to have volunteers come into help. It has definitely been quite an interesting couple of weeks for me as I go back into routine with things and simply wanting to make the best in every situation that I'll have this year. I am so grateful for the opportunity to serve & help one of the other third grade teachers, whom I've slowly come to know a little bit off/on throughout the past two years. It probably sounds a little too overly excited right now about the fact, that I haven't been there since this school year started but I do know it's gonna be an unforgettable experience for all of us involved.



This inspiring quote by the world famous Winston Churchill is one that I'd heard of before and it has really stuck out in my mind, about how we do make a life by what we give. I'm definitely gonna admit that when we give of our time to other people and make a difference in their lives, we strive to be a little better than we would otherwise think of ourselves to be. I'm really quite excited to get started with these cute little third graders, who maybe at times drive me almost crazy up to the point where I'll almost burst into tears. I will have an amazingly legitimate teacher whose going to put me right to work and going on stuff that I've never done in my life, but it will certainly give me an opportunity to make a impact on the lives of those kiddos. With all of that said, I wanted to make sure that this coming Thursday will be an unforgettable moment to remember and I can hardly wait for the many memories I will make with so many amazing people. 

One Year

Trial Of Faith - Part One

It was literally the absolute hardest experience of my life and one that I'm grateful to hopefully never face again in the distant future. I couldn't even have told you without tears running down my face with how incredibly scared I felt in those moments leading up to my dad surprisingly needing to have major surgery on his heart. I wished it had not taken place during a time when we had originally scheduled to do something really fun on the weekend of my mom's birthday. I cannot even begin to tell you how much emotional pain came into my heart, when I really  just wished things could have all turned out completely differently than expected.


I completely felt like my entire world turned upside down & we had absolutely no idea that something such as this situation was gonna feel as close to home as it did. My grandpa had the same operation when he was in his early sixties and if that was not quite enough at the time, to see my own dad in this position scared me to death. It could have been a lot worse than it was at he time to find my own father, sitting in a hospital room and having a lot of people come in to help out with what needed to done. I was incredibly heart wrenched about all of this and did not know if I was gonna be able to handle it emotionally, somehow let alone wanting to not have a meltdown at some point down the road. 

Obviously, I knew that he struggled with not being able to walk far distances let alone really do as much as he could to just simply exuberant himself into shoveling snow off the sidewalk and mowing the lawn when it needed to be done. To make a long story short, because I would rather not bore everyone who may be reading through my blog post right now, that it ended up being a successful operation and slowly had to be patient for what would happen next. One of the many things that I had considered not wanting to do at all was go on this camp out that my Independent Living Center scheduled for a couple of days up somewhere in American Fork Canyon.



It was not typically something that I wanted to go on and felt perfectly well with wanting to stay back from the adventure, so I could help out with my dad in his recovery. He was scheduled to go home from the hospital after a week of staying there and being monitored to make sure, everything went like it needed to go. It was extremely difficult for me to be on this camp out with my friends and not feel slightly like, I just didn't want anything to do with it at all anymore because life was too difficult at the time to be around other people.



I did join up with my friends to do this activity and I do look back on it now wishing that I had never participated in it to begin with. It really felt hard for me to be around people who are not members of the church and also simply doing things that I know are not good for you, but to them it is perfectly normal. I do know that it was an amazing opportunity to get outside and looking around at the beautiful world our Savior, Jesus Christ made for all of us. I am so grateful for him and his direction in my life everyday, because it has truly strengthened me to be a little better of a person & friend towards everyone else who has made such an impact on me. 

Trial Of Faith - Part Two

I cannot even begin to thank you all enough for the faith and prayers, you all gave in our behalf. It was truly something that took a lot of unbearable moments for me, not to feel so heavy weighted on my shoulders. There were many times when I'd just want to burst myself into tears and not think of anything else through the rest of the day, but it gave me an opportunity to reflect on how amazingly simple this gospel is. Shortly after a couple of weeks, I returned back to the elementary school and one of my third graders asked me how my dad was doing--I genuinely responded with saying this:"He's doing super and home taking it nice/easy for awhile... But for me, it was incredibly difficult wanting to not talk about that stuff anymore. I just needed some time to let this all sink in and did notice that the third grade teacher was looking over at me, probably to make sure that I would not find myself being teary eyed in that very moment. From the time that I had told my friend, Miss B about what was going on with my dad.. I briefly sent her general little updates on my dad's recovery after his surgery. I really never mentioned much of anything to other friends because I did not feel comfortable with letting them know what was going on and how I'd felt about it all. I knew most of them wouldn't necessarily understand the seriousness behind everything and so for a person like me to share that stuff with them, never felt completely right either. I was more than grateful for all of the many prayers that people continuously did for our family, truly made me feel like I could handle anything that comes in my path. There is so much power in prayer and it's absolutely REAL without any shadow of a doubt in my mind. It definitely works miracles in more ways than anyone reading through this would ever think of them to and for me, I couldn't have felt less or more happy with how this all ended up. 

New Experience

One of the many things that I never imagined myself to do is compete in pageants and try to appear as the person who was just wanting to get out of being the center of attention. It is terribly scary for me to be up in front of people and not try to get emotional, but at the same time... It would be such a rewarding experience for me. I had a good friend of mine who competed in this pageant late last year and never expected that I would give it a shot, considering how much fun it looks like to do!!! I am so glad that it is not a scholarship pageant with money involved and just an experience for individuals like me to build up their confidence and self esteem in a very positive environment. There are so many things that I would love to see myself accomplish in the upcoming year and one of them would be getting to use my voice in a way that I never have before. I have not necessarily registered for this kind of stuff yet and still have a lot of questions to ask a friend of mine about various things that I would need to prepare myself for. 

There are four separate core divisions that I would be participating in such as: (Talent which is totally an optional thing and basically just having fun out on stage without the worrisome of being scored in how I present myself to an audience.) Introduction is simply where you can share anything about you like your name, age, favorite things to do, etc. It would seriously be one of the most nervous things I would ever do in my life, but also such an amazing opportunity to express who I am in this world to other people. 

Following those two core divisions, I would also participate in an one on one interview with the judges along with a representative or buddy that would be with me as well. We would get asked questions about things on this overview form and trying to make eye contact with people is just uncomfortable for me in more ways than one, but I'll need to make an effort & be as professional with everything they would ask questions about. 

Presentation In Evening Wear:

This division of the competition would simply give me an opportunity to express myself and how I'd like to show off my confidence that is inside me all through this portion of the pageant. I would most definitely give it my best possible shot in every single phase of competition, to not only become such a better person in this world but to empower others to make a difference for those around them. This is certainly most likely gonna be my favorite part of this event and feeling like a queen on stage, will most definitely be an unforgettable moment to remember for a lifetime!!!

Writer's Block

I have really struggled this week with keeping my blog updated & sharing my thoughts on what is most important in my life right now. It's been such a stumbling block for me this year as I've had to deal with so many things that I didn't want to see myself faced with again. I can honestly admit this trial of my faith has only made me a stronger and more confident person in the world, than I would have ever imagined myself to be. I cannot even put into words what an absolute emotional and yet unforgettable couple of months where I've had to reflect on the things that I would never want give up at any given moment. There were certainly moments when I had to focus on the Savior's hand through everything that was happening around me and not losing sight of what he could do to help strengthen my testimony of him. Through all of these experiences this year, I've wanted so much more than anything in the world to be like him in everything that I do to live up to his standards & never take it for granted.


He's definitely played a significant role in my life throughout this year w/ everything that made me feel like I was literally at my breaking point with some of the challenges that were in my path. I'm truly grateful for his direction and the advice he's given me to look past what could've easily been one of the most heart wrenching times in my life, because of him I was able to fully understand everything in life happens for a reason. I am grateful for his wisdom and patience with me as I've had to endure so many things that I didn't want to handle at the time, but with him holding onto my hand through this entire process-- I would literally kneel down in such gratitude for all that he did to help me get to where I am today. He has made me feel at peace with myself in knowing there is someone else better out there first for me, to not only make me feel like the happiest girl on the planet but who also loves the gospel more than anything else!!! I am hopeful as time goes by in the next couple of years, that I will find that person who belongs in my life for the rest of eternity when I'm ready for it. 

I'm really sorry for not letting this part of my life get away from me and consistently sharing it with you all, but this has been one of the most difficult things that has ever happened in my life. I've not ever dealt with heartbreak like this before until this last year and so much has reminded me of what this life is really about. We are meant to go through a lot of hard times to help us become a little bit stronger and less fearful about what could happen later on down the road for us. I am not saying it's been easy or the happiest time in my life, but it has shown me that I do not need a young man who's going to hurt my feelings and leave me heart broken without any need of repair. There is somebody else out there who will love me unconditionally, treat me with kindness and consider me to the only person who he wants to spend time getting to know a little bit better everyday for as long as possible, if not more. 

Continued

This new school year has already just begun and I am incredibly excited for the many unexpected adventures that I'll have with my students later on. It is honestly difficult for me to not feel a little anxious with wanting to return back so quickly, but at the same time I need to be considerate of the teachers who need a lot of time getting the year off on a positive note. Same thing happened to me last year and of course I had a very logical reason for why I was not able to show up earlier, but I'd much rather have a good experience with the teachers I will be helping out. Don't get me wrong, I'm not worrying too much about this new school year in the sense that there is only so little I can do for people right now. Hey... It only gives me a much longer summer vacation than most people who are already back into school and wish they could just take it easy. Believe me, I do appreciate getting to sleep in every morning for a little bit and then putting myself together, before heading out someplace to do something. I can always have something to do with my free time, like running to do errands w/ my mom and twin sister, taking our dog out for walks when it is cool enough to be outside, reading a book, blogging about my life's experiences, signing up for Institute (which I will talk about a little bit later if it ever happens), etc.


My official duties will not be happening any time soon, till probably near the end of September or the first of October...but I am definitely willing to be patient for as long as it is needed. I know this isn't necessarily the funnest blog post in the world to be reading through, cause not too much is really going on in my life that I can share with you all. I really have experienced a lot this summer and wished things would have been a little less difficult for me, but you know... It is not the end of this world. I will also get to spend some quality time my friends tomorrow afternoon, when we go to the BYU Creamery to have an ice cream cone and visit with each other. It is very rare for us to get ourselves together when there is so much going on with school, family life, and everything else in between to make something like this fit into our schedules. We never have a dull moment together and if you know us well, that is not too much of a surprise..but you know what I mean?? This month not too much has really happened expect for getting to have my older sister and niece here with us, & honestly it is kind of hard figuring out this auntie stuff because I am not an expert at it. I am not really someone who fell into this situation very easily and still have so much to learn, that at times will just push my buttons but I have to be careful.


I am also very much thrilled for the opportunity of getting the chance to plan a self advocacy conference in the spring of next year, and out of all places I could have seen it held...The number one choice was right here in my own backyard in Provo. Luckily, I'll be close enough to home that if anything happens--I can make it work without any problems. It does seem a little strange to have a conference right here at home, but I do think if it all works out alright-- things will fall into place a lot better. I am also excited to hopefully get to do some shopping for back to school clothes and have some new outfits, that I can mix and match with other things!!! I really do like being able to try out new things and make myself as professional as possible, whenever I need to be somewhere. This quote right on the top of my blog post here is one that I think we all need to get reminded of once in awhile, because if we seriously want to be successful in life-- We can't just take the elevator to think it will turn out fine. Sometimes, We need to take those stairs that may seem like forever till we reach the top, but I do know it is so worth every step of the way when reaching each of our personal goals. I am determined to make this new school year not only fun experience for me, but a very successful one for those kids who I might be seeing myself working alongside with. It's not for some time till I get back over there to do whatever I can to help out in any capacity, but I do want this school year to be an unforgettable experience for all of us!!!! 

Untitled Post

This summer has definitely been one of the most unforgettable and hardest times in my life. I cannot even begin to tell you how emotionally draining it has for me, to just look past all of the mixed and confused emotions I've had inside my heart these past couple of months. I am trying not convey or make a fool of myself about all of this here, I just want to admit that life has taught me a lot of hard lessons that I never expected. It has literally put my faith to the test on more than one occasion and little did I ever think of what could happen next after an experience like this... But I am grateful for the advice that I was able to get from a friend who simply put it this way: 1) Continue to be a good friend and influence the person needed in life. And if they chose to move out of Utah, then I would still want to be that way for them in anyway possible, but also to remember that if I made a decision to let this person go, because at the time it was excruciatingly hard for me to be their friend. And let me tell you the truth here too: Sometimes, letting go is what is best for you and it was perfectly fine for me to care about them and want the best for them, but to never forget about taking care of myself first. I knew in this very moment that I needed to focus a little more on me and not the person whose shattered my heart into a million pieces all over the ground. It was extremely hard for me to be with them when I seriously don't want anything more to do in making the relationship continue on for the next several months. To make this long story short, I am still at one time or another emotionally just struggling with how I could ever find someone else to walk into my life but I can only hope for the best with them. 

Special Needs Ballroom - #BYUSummerDanceSportChallenge

I have been participating in this one ballroom dance competition for the last nine years and cannot even wait for the opportunity to be a part of it this weekend. I am incredibly stoked for all of those many people who have helped us practice really hard every single week and make this an amazing experience for all of us involved. It has truly been one of the most highlighted moments in my life, this summer because there is nothing more fun in this world than getting to show off all of my hard work that we have put into making our dances look nice. I am probably rambling on too much here about all of this, but I am excited for the privilege to let those audience members know that dancing isn't only just for those who are perceived as normal. It is simply for everyone and I cannot wait for another chance to show what it is that I've got in me to pull this off. If you would like to come watch me compete this weekend, I will most likely not post any information on here and put videos on my Instagram account. Please be sure to check those out if you ever get a chance and despite all of the nerves that I have in me right now, it will definitely be worth it in the end.