Fearless

Ninja Conference 2019

I was grateful for the incredible opportunity that I had to present a training about Supported Decision Making for self advocates and happily accepted the invitation. I had such little time on my hands with trying to make certain that the message I'd share with all of my favorite people--- would not only be a good one, but also inspire them to think of a new alternative to use in their lives. To make this a very long story short---I was looking at this graph about the results of how each session with the NINJA Conference turned out and mine surprisingly turned out more successful than I expected.

Weeks Away (Pure Excitement)

I wrote up a blog post on here about getting reached out to about doing a virtual presentation on this exact same topic and could not pass up the opportunity for someone. This past week I have worked really hard to make sure this mini class session will turn out alright & be well received from every single person who will be in attendance!!! It definitely had feeling a little bit swamped for a short period of time with knowing if I would not go over the limit I had been given and trying to fit in a somewhat legit activity everyone can be a part of. 

Mentor Spotlight (2 Minutes)

I am excited for this opportunity to share the importance of what leaderships means to me & hoping to as well make a good impression on the delegates/staff who will be listening. I know it is certainly not in person and getting to see my friends faces about how much it means to set a good, positive & meaningful example of what being a good leader is. I can only hope for the best in trying to crunch all of this down in two minutes and not any much more than that---but I am thrilled to sort of kinda mentor everybody once again!!!

Energized

Mini Flashback (January 13th, 2020)

Back in January--- I had long awaited to be a member on this extraordinary and wonderful committee with individuals who are just like me that want to get their voices out in this world-- (let alone try to make some sort of difference.) I know that my life has not been the easiest at times not only through this crazy stuff but realizing how much of an impact I'd love to continue being a much better self advocate than I am right now... but if you ask me, I have absolutely loved every minute of being able to put my most significant passion in life to work and having done it for three years is just nothing short of incredible!!! 

I am so grateful for an opportunity of being able to put my leadership & advocacy skills to the test---but also making new lifelong friendships that will hold a special place in my heart for years to come. There has never been an legitimate NINJA on this committee before-- but to finally admit there is one now and could not be more than ecstatic for a new adventure!!!! 

Utah Statewide Independent Living Council,

You were truly one of my back up plans for when if things didn't work out with this brand new position that I had long awaited to hear from. This is not necessarily the end of the road for me to continue pushing through as a genuine self advocate and making an impact on the lives of those with disabilities who want to be accepted into society. I definitely want to become just an even more dedicated, passionate, hard working self advocate for many young adults with disabilities in this world & letting them know they can do anything in life. I'm not gonna be leaving my spot on the YAC whatsoever and I will continue participating on our many Zoom Meetings if you all will let me do so!!! This new experience is something that I have looked so forward to for quite awhile now and does not mean my heart is leaving you all behind with taking care of everything by yourselves. Even though I have not been approved yet by the person who makes the final decision---I am ready for a new journey to begin in my life & cannot wait to see where it will take me next. 

Mini FYI Here:

(I've gotten accepted for membership on the Utah Developmental Disabilities Council as well as in hopes the Governor (who makes the legitimate approval about me getting recommended for this new position!!!) I am not gonna necessarily know too much of anything until either some time this late summer or in the early fall.) Please stay tuned for updates to come!!!

Climb

I'm not even certain about when these emotional days will get themselves behind me and I can just get back to my normal self again. I have definitely cried myself to asleep more often than I'd like to admit and somehow there is never an end to when things will start to ease a little bit. I have certainly gotten my fair share with not knowing how to face any difficulties without tearing up really hard or in a position that nobody wants to see themselves up against whatsoever.

It's been such an uphill struggle for me to keep a brave face on anymore and just simply wanting the tears to roll down my cheeks as often as I can--- but it is nothing that can make me feel better. I know for me it has never been easy for me to not end up wondering if I should've joined in on that meeting tonight or not because of how difficult things have continued to be. I know there is no sense for me to control what has been going on and it is almost easier to keep my mouth quiet than to speak up about what is on my mind anymore!!! It has been a consistent worry for me to not feel the slightest bit of ya know being pushed off to the side because nobody knows how to help me out with the emotional pain this has continuously brought me from the start of this pandemic.

LONG STORY SHORT---- I was purposefully quiet on this weeks call with my NINJA family due to the many circumstances that have left me not wanting to talk much anymore. I feel like all I can ever think about in my mind is just for a vaccine to put this illness aside and we can get back into our lives again--- but for me, I know this is gonna feel like an eternity before things are settled down. I'd rather not have to tear up every single Zoom call that me and my friends have with one another--- but it has almost harder for me not keep the tears away. I legitimately stared at myself in the camera which if I must admit looked like a sweet young women with an uncertain mess on her hands and not anything that I can do expect sit around wondering "How in the world did our 2020 turn out like it has?!! I am getting tired of the many restrictions and unknowns that left me wanting to cry more often than if I'd like to smile. #StayTunedForTheConclusion 

One Wish

One of the many wishes I'd love to see come true this year is being able to hug my friends and people that I have greatly missed spending time with so much. I have struggled a lot with this crazy stuff and unless there is any good news to be announced in the next little while, I am hoping all of those days-- with being stir crazy are behind us a lot sooner than waiting it out for the next several months. I have definitely kept my mouth quiet this week and not very certain about what to tell people, especially all of those that I have not been able to catch up with on life as much anymore. I am feeling extremely if not more than nervous as to whether or not, I will be as talkative on the next Zoom Meeting that takes place next week because I know after the emotional toll I had last time-- is even gonna overcome me again. I have definitely shared a lot of tears with this group of people for the last several weeks now- which to me is only a reason that I may never know when my emotional side will be under control or if I need a lot more time on my hands. It is pretty obvious that all of this has been the hardest time in my life and cannot wait for the announcement to know when we can get back to normal and not have any worries to think of not having the virus sticking itself around any much longer. I am ready for the many hugs that I will embrace and never again take for granted because it has gotten a lot harder with still not getting to let those I love so much a hug of knowing we are not alone!!!