Almost There

YESTERDAY AFTERNOON---The second grade teacher whose classroom I volunteer in asked me this very simple question, "How are you?!" Right in that very moment I could have easily admitted how painful it was for me to be just sitting there next to them and yet other thoughts were running inside my head. I quietly told them a response that I'm sure they were not least expecting to hear out of my mouth, and yet there was not much I wanted to say.

"I don't know... I'm hanging in there." It was all I could think of to tell them and yet it was not the happiest response I had ever mentioned to somebody. There was not much of anything else to talk about with them other than my upcoming pageant this March and the talent I'm currently working on with my mom. We never discussed much of anything else related back to my life and how all the volunteering at the school has been for me...But at the same time, I wished something from my own mouth had gotten said out loud to this teacher friend of mine. I have literally wanted to stand up for myself several times throughout the last couple of weeks and never feel like it was the right choice that needs to be made. 

I have literally shed too many tears down my cheeks in order to make the best of this and somehow during various times it has struck a chord with me. I never prepared myself for what an uphill quiet battle this was going to be emotionally difficult and painful like it has turned out to be. I really want more than anything to have the remainder of this school year, just become one of the most rewarding and unforgettable experiences in my life. As much as it hurts to admit this on here, I am not prepared for what the next several months have in store for me and wish that Heavenly Father would make this all fade away in an instant, but that is not how he motivates us to strive harder each day. 

IN THE BEGINNING---I really felt like as thought I am just one more person for them to worry about and have something to keep me occupied. It has been nothing short of remarkable to really understand just how much I am not alone in this experience and despite the many times, I haven't wanted to return back inside of that classroom with how I have felt mistreated or in other words-- getting pushed off to the side in a corner with no idea of why I am even there. 

Conclusion:

Make the best of every single week that you can possible. It's never felt so incredibly harder on me than this year alone and striving to be a little better has only continued making me less of myself.... but obviously, who am I kidding here?!!! It has been such an emotional roller coaster ride for me in ways than nobody deserves to see themselves on, unless you feel inclined to learn something more about yourself and what you are capable of doing well. I really do appreciate all of the assistance I am able to give this teacher friend of mine so much and cannot thank them enough for being sweet, patient with me all year long. I have certainly never expected this to be as much of a struggle like it has turned out to be at times and maybe it is only the way to learn from my mistakes. Despite all of the fact they know it is hard for me... That doesn't necessarily fix how it has made me feel on a very personal level, but we all need to cut ourselves some slack to know we are doing the best we can do for those around us. 

Perfectly Stable

2019 Utah Miss Amazing Pageant (Continuation) 

It's surreal that all of my required paperwork for this event is submitted & cannot wait to spend quality time in making new friendships. For those of you who are reading through this, I haven't imagined myself doing pageantry and let alone knowing their main focus is about advocating for people with disabilities really means a lot to me. I am grateful for the opportunity that I get to do events like this one where my voice is going to be heard and despite how others look at this kinda stuff, well I am gonna try as hard as possible to change their minds. I know this experience will be one to cherish forever and hopefully can have more stories/updates to write on here, when it gets a little bit closer in about two months time!!! 

Night To Shine 2019 - Tim Tebow Foundation

With it being my third prom night event this year, I am really thrilled to have my twin sister and our best friends join us... which I know they will not talking about for the rest of eternity. This one night event is filled with a lot of paparazzi cheering you on a red carpet, photo booths, Karaoke, Everyone crowned a king or queen of the prom, Limo rides, Dinner, etc. I will definitely give it my best chance with updating you all on this event after it gets slightly close to being here, but until then each of you will have to patiently give it a couple more weeks!!! 

Girls Trip To California - February 14th

I am excited to spend quality time with my older sister and her husband, along with my tenth month old niece Skye!! We have not necessarily been down to California for what seems like a long time & quite frankly I would love to see this be a trip to remember!!! We are also planning to make only one day trip to Disneyland and getting to share that magical place with family... will certainly make it an unforgettable experience for sure. 

Beauty Pageant

YESTERDAY---I registered for the 2019 Utah Miss Amazing Pageant and cannot even believe it is going to be an experience that I will cherish forever!!! I am excited for this new opportunity of being able to grow and learn so much from the people who will be involved in making this an unforgettable experience for me. I have never participated or done anything like this before and can only hope for a positive outcome regardless of whatever it ends up turning out to be. I know this is all going to be an extra special time in my life because one of the sweetest friends ever is also gonna be up there along with everybody else. It seems almost unreal to think that somebody like me would ever want to try out for a pageant such as this one for individuals with special needs and trying to make the best of whatever I can possibly do to make an impact on someone's life in some way. 

I've participated in various disability conferences, workshops, classes and other things that have just helped me become the person I am today. It has given me a sense of motivation that I can go outside into this world and try with all of my might to empower somebody in recognizing their fullest potential in life, whatever that may be. I know this is going to open a lot of doors for me to speak up for what I know is very important to me and not trying too hard to be someone that others perceive me to not be able to strive harder for everyday. Having never considered myself to do pageants like this one has only given me a chance to learn new things and step outside the box to make an effort, in the many ways that I can empower others to know they have aspirations, hopes, and dreams like everyone else does in our society. 

This unforgettable event will definitely be the highlight of my year in 2019 and can only hope for the best in whatever the end results turn out like. If I do somehow by unexpected circumstances make it into the National Miss Amazing Pageant later in the year, I would most likely want to continue advocating in ways that can empower others like myself to know they are not alone. We can do hard things in life everyday whether we like it or not, because everyone in this world has those challenges that I have belief tend to get overlooked in more ways than we recognize at times. 

My talent for this pageant will be a swing dance and luckily I will get to have an opportunity of just trying to work hard until the pageant arrives to get it down in my head. I haven't necessarily gotten myself too far into seeing what this pageantry experience would be like for me and hope to perform with the best of my ability to make sure it all turns out right. Everyday before this pageant officially kicks off this year I am determined to make it as positive, uplifting and motivating as possible so I'll end up knowing that I can do things such as this event to get me out of my comfort zone a little more every single time an opportunity shows up on my doorstep.