When The Rain Falls

Side Note: I have been listening to this song quite a few times from a DCOM titled Pixel Perfect and thinking about the message in this ballad is relatively simple: The lyrics are a poetic metaphor for the beauty of mortality, human emotion along with the value of making mistakes. I obviously have made my fair share of mistakes the hard way and learning how to move forward in life when I didn't feel like it was something I needed to deal with or why it had to occur for me as opposed to someone else. I feel very grateful to know that it is perfectly okay to make mistakes and not worrying about being the kind of perfectionist society wants us to be. 

Oh oo oo

I don't understand 
This should be so easy

To just reach out my hand

And know the world is free

But nothing's as it seems

I can tell you freely 
Touching's not the only way to feel 

When the rain falls

It's like heaven's crying

When the name's all

The difference that there is

Cause tears are

The same when they are trying to grow something good

Out of all the pain

There's no difference between the teardrops and the rain

Because I know the bones were necessary
I don't let it bother me at all

I know you proudly say

That I'm just talking crazy

To think of life that way

Means that I'm confused

Does happy end this sad

But maybe yes,  just maybe 

The sadness can make the happiness more true

I have contemplated for weeks now about whether this blog post needed to be written on here or if I just need to keep this to myself. I am obviously one of the most highly sensitive-tender hearted person you'll ever meet and yet I know life is never meant to be a certain way. I continuously struggle on a daily basis with having a genetic learning disorder called Fraglie X Snydrome and knowing that it's one of those things I wish everyday could be something to make disappear while making my entire life a million times easier. I have a firm belief in my heart that the Lord knew I could handle something such as this here on earth and not let it define who I am as a young woman who wants to feel accepted in this world like everybody else. I may visible struggle in social enivornments a lot more than most who have ever had the opportunity to meet me can pick up on the fact I never make eye contact with them even if I want to have a normal conversation. I am grateful for the example of a young woman who inspires me on a daily basis to feel proud of who I am and not worrying about the small things I am not able to have any control over. I know it is not easy having to deal with something that I wish never existed and along side the fact I am striving everyday to become more like my Savior, Jesus Christ is something I know is gonna be the most incredible blessing I could ever ask for. I am not someone who usually is comfortable to write stuff like this on their blog and yet here I am doing all I can to make my life look easy, but I am finding comfort in the sense when I see my Savior again on the other side---it will all come together in a way that I can better understand. 

I am someone who despite their challenges in life knows there is someone who wants nothing more than to feel accepted and seen in this world. I have many times wondered if there was a genuine reason as to why the Lord wanted me to have FXS and I know it was because he knew I could take this on with faith in my heart. He knew I was not gonna be perfect or feel like I needed to be someone else I would ever come across in this world and yet I know he was aware of what I came to this earth--- to learn along his covenant path. He knew this was not going to be easy for me in anyway while he does remind me of what I am capable of doing and not trying too hard to be someone I am not in his eyes. It's blessed my life in more ways to know that I am striving to draw closer to him as my personal testimony of him continues to be strengthened.

As challenging and emotionally hard FXS is for me, it has blessed my life tremendously with getting to meet people I have looked up for a while and aspire to be like one day has given me reasons to keep the faith as I move on with anything that shows up on my path. I am grateful for the blessing it is to know that one day everything about this will fall into place and remind me of why it is I came to this earth to become more like the Savior who I love with all of my heart. I know he is never going to leave me alone in trials or difficulties that I know he knows I need to be right now to have me where I will be an instrument in his hands. I love his role in my life everyday and helping me learn to rely on Him in any given situation that life hands over as I am able to trust in what he wants me to do going forward. He has been able to catch me when I literally felt like I was going to fall in a dark hole or did not know what he needs to do next as I walk down this road of knowing he will always be there when I need his help. He has brought peace into my heart when I was faced up against one of the hardest trials of my life and not knowing when I would ever get to feel happy again.

(To Be Continued)