Climb

I'm not even certain about when these emotional days will get themselves behind me and I can just get back to my normal self again. I have definitely cried myself to asleep more often than I'd like to admit and somehow there is never an end to when things will start to ease a little bit. I have certainly gotten my fair share with not knowing how to face any difficulties without tearing up really hard or in a position that nobody wants to see themselves up against whatsoever.

It's been such an uphill struggle for me to keep a brave face on anymore and just simply wanting the tears to roll down my cheeks as often as I can--- but it is nothing that can make me feel better. I know for me it has never been easy for me to not end up wondering if I should've joined in on that meeting tonight or not because of how difficult things have continued to be. I know there is no sense for me to control what has been going on and it is almost easier to keep my mouth quiet than to speak up about what is on my mind anymore!!! It has been a consistent worry for me to not feel the slightest bit of ya know being pushed off to the side because nobody knows how to help me out with the emotional pain this has continuously brought me from the start of this pandemic.

LONG STORY SHORT---- I was purposefully quiet on this weeks call with my NINJA family due to the many circumstances that have left me not wanting to talk much anymore. I feel like all I can ever think about in my mind is just for a vaccine to put this illness aside and we can get back into our lives again--- but for me, I know this is gonna feel like an eternity before things are settled down. I'd rather not have to tear up every single Zoom call that me and my friends have with one another--- but it has almost harder for me not keep the tears away. I legitimately stared at myself in the camera which if I must admit looked like a sweet young women with an uncertain mess on her hands and not anything that I can do expect sit around wondering "How in the world did our 2020 turn out like it has?!! I am getting tired of the many restrictions and unknowns that left me wanting to cry more often than if I'd like to smile. #StayTunedForTheConclusion 

One Wish

One of the many wishes I'd love to see come true this year is being able to hug my friends and people that I have greatly missed spending time with so much. I have struggled a lot with this crazy stuff and unless there is any good news to be announced in the next little while, I am hoping all of those days-- with being stir crazy are behind us a lot sooner than waiting it out for the next several months. I have definitely kept my mouth quiet this week and not very certain about what to tell people, especially all of those that I have not been able to catch up with on life as much anymore. I am feeling extremely if not more than nervous as to whether or not, I will be as talkative on the next Zoom Meeting that takes place next week because I know after the emotional toll I had last time-- is even gonna overcome me again. I have definitely shared a lot of tears with this group of people for the last several weeks now- which to me is only a reason that I may never know when my emotional side will be under control or if I need a lot more time on my hands. It is pretty obvious that all of this has been the hardest time in my life and cannot wait for the announcement to know when we can get back to normal and not have any worries to think of not having the virus sticking itself around any much longer. I am ready for the many hugs that I will embrace and never again take for granted because it has gotten a lot harder with still not getting to let those I love so much a hug of knowing we are not alone!!! 

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This disability conference was originally gonna take place in two weeks and unfortunately due to the circumstances that life has thrown at us---it is gonna be held virtually this year. I'm thrilled about an opportunity to mentor and encourage other self advocates to have an amazing experience too. It's not even been close to easy for me as I sit around in my house or head out for a walk---not having ANY idea about what the next day is gonna have in store. I am saddened with not being around those peeps of mine who I truly love and admire so much---but I feel confident that our reunion together will be extra special in more ways than one!!! 

Banquet & Statewide Dance: (In Person Event)

This event is certainly gonna be one to remember and I cannot wait for it to get here within the next several months. I am most likely gonna have tears in my eyes as I step out of the car and run up not only as quickly as I can possible, but having an event that will be filled with many laughs-- if not to mention a lot of happiness!!! I am grateful for the many people who are going to put this together & make it an experience that none of us will soon forget. I know for me it has definitely gotten some of my spirits up and realizing that this crazy stuff will pass soon, eventually we can all hang out together once again!!! 

Ninja Time

TONIGHT-- was truly one of the most unforgettable times ever and getting to spend quality time with my NINJA peeps is something that I have missed legitimately during these last few months. I'm truly grateful for the many laughs and smiles we continuously share with each other, while being reminded to keep our heads held high, despite everything that has been going on in this world. It has been such an amazing escape for me to remember what is most important and trying to keep relaxed as much as possible. 

Favorite Highlights:

- Laughing with all of my NINJA peeps and telling countless stories that never quite seemed to end any time soon!!! 

- I didn't necessarily make an effort to do a legit Star Wars character impression by any means, but it was super fun to hear all of my peeps give themselves a try at something I could never do!!! I really loved seeing all of their smiling faces again and cheering each other up in the process.

- Next time we have our NINJA Alumni Zoom chat, We are going to do some kind of a talent show and still to this day--- I am not even certain about what I'll perform or let alone want to show off to my friends!!! I am excited to see all of the many talents people have come up with and hopefully it will be an unforgettable moment that will be cherished forever. 

- The number one highlight from this experience was getting to see a friend of mine's face after what has seemed like an eternity and quite frankly... I could not felt more thrilled to see them join us and I am anxiously waiting for the day when we can hug each other!!! #TheyHaveBeenWarnedInAdvance

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"Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty."

I'm definitely feeling overwhelmed with emotions as this new way of life continues to move forward and it has been more of a challenge than I would have anticipated. It was really incredible to see just a number of my friends smiling faces through a virtual hangout online and hearing how each one of them are doing through this unusual time. I will be more than stoked to see everything slowly have themselves back to normal once this pandemic has chosen to leave and die off--- but I need to keep being a little more patient. I know that everybody in our world has come this far in hopes that every part of our lives will be at a point where being around your friends and loved ones is not any sort of major concern at all-- but we need to do our part in making this so curve not only flattened but if you ask me, I would much rather just legitimately crush it altogether. 

Shout Out:

Happy Birthday, Tylee!!!  It has legitimately just continued to be such a joy for me as I have gotten better acquainted with you this past year and a half. You have reminded me countless times about looking for the positives in life everyday and making the best of any situation that gets thrown at me. You've truly impacted so many lives of young adults with disabilities in more ways than you know and just being able to learn from an amazing person like you has been a dream come true!!! You are so great with what you do in this world and I am excited to continue getting to know you better as the many years go by. Hope you are having the most unforgettable birthday ever & feeling extra loved cause you truly deserve all the best in this world, if not more!!! :) #FriendsForever

Mini Entry

Earlier this afternoon, I received a phone call interview about becoming a member of this committee if I end up getting appointed to be on it. I was incredibly excited as well as unsure about what to do when they started to ask me questions that needed to be answered right on the spot. It was certainly one of those moments where I felt like I had to give it my best shot and feel hopeful for whatever is coming up next. I am grateful for what could end up being an incredible opportunity for me to keep developing my talents and abilities as a self advocate, but also as a person who wants nothing more than to see individuals like herself be treated fairly as much as anybody else. Please stay tuned for updates to come whenever I receive any further information and cannot wait to share legit updates with all of you soon!!!

Personal Message

One month down... One more left. Not really certain about whether this pandemic will turn itself just all the way around & leave us to a good point, where everything can slowly get back to normal. I am grateful for the comfort of my home and being surrounded with incredible people who would do any thing to help each other, regardless of whatever the situation is. I am slightly anxious for this wave of unknowns to be completely out of sight and leave me with an understanding-- that everything will be okay as soon as this crazy stuff passes itself on. It has taken over the world at such an unprecedented rate without even leaving you to think about how much this trial will either make us stronger or have a reason to believe this was completely something we needed to learn. I may never know what else it could have in store for all of us and trying to put ourselves back to normal--- once all of this becomes contained enough that we can feel safe around our friends again!!!


I am definitely missing them more than I would have ever imagined myself to and considering the unfortunate situation we are in-- I am gonna be more than relieved to hug the ones I genuinely love so much more than anything in this entire world, believe me-- I am most definitely anxious to get my friend time back once we can feel like this pandemic has left this world and look forward to so many amazing events that I feel incredibly stoked to be  part of within the next several months ahead. If ya must know--- I'd love to tell you about them afterwards because I need to make some legit memories with the people I haven't been able to see for some time!!! #ItsCatchUpTimeNextMonth 

After this craziness gets behind us... I am certainly gonna be thrilled to spend quality time with my friends and getting to hug them again, which has been really hard for me not being able to do through out the last while. It is most definitely gonna feel like a very legitimate reunion that I've waited for to be a part of for such a long time and look forward to that unforgettable event once everything in life is settled down. This past week I have been able to chat with my friends over social media and seeing their faces again made me feel so good inside, knowing they are hanging in there as we continue this month with the unexpected. It really was such a treat getting to talk with each other and laugh despite the circumstances that our world is faced with right now... but we all enjoyed ourselves more than if it had not ever taken place. #WeGotThis #StayPositive #MuchLove