Ground Zero

(Old Story - Summer 2012)

EIGHT YEARS AGO----I visited the big apple with my mom, older sister and her husband which I will admit ended up being a very unforgettable trip for me. (Minus the fact we tagged along with them because they were going to be dancing in a ballroom competition at the hotel we were staying at which was so legitimately nice if you ask me!!!) I really liked getting to walk around the sites that people have either seen on television before or has gotten toured millions of times. I truly liked walking around the 911 Memorial and Museum-- looking into the clear glass cases with pieces of rubble that was salvaged up from that unfathomable/tragic day. I remember looking at all of those endless names of victims who put their lives on the line, so that I could still be here today. I couldn't even believe this happened to a country that does not see violence or let alone any form of terrorism to pull us apart. I know this is the nineteenth anniversary of a day that nobody wanted to see happen or let alone watch unfold on their television screens, but life has been able to continue forward even during the hardest of times. None of these individuals knew what was gonna happen the next day and then only come to find 

This unthinkable act of terrorism on our country was like anything I'd ever seen before. It was such a horrific time for me as a young person to think--"Why would this ever happen? How did so many thousands of peoples lives have to be taken away for no reason whatsoever?! Why did those airplanes have to be hijacked by terrorists only to find out people's lives would be gone in an instant and all because they do not live in a free country?!!?!! Was this a complete accident or just something that would give us a reminder about how to treat other people?! Maybe it didn't click inside of my head like it does right now, but I am grateful for those who made it possible for us to enjoy our freedoms today. Let us never forget this September day of the lives who were lost in circumstances that nobody should have ever experienced and yet here we are--- remembering each and every person who did whatever they could to save themselves as well as those they did not know were going to not make it back to their families. Never take life for granted and while we are living in this unprecedented time in 2020, let us not ever loose sight of the fact we need to hold our loved ones a little tighter & snuggle them a little more often than we usually ever would. Life is gonna continue throwing endless struggles in and no matter the circumstances we ever find ourselves up against--Plz keep in mind that as long as we remember what is most important everyday, We can make it just through about whatever gets put into our path. 

Personal Escape

This young adult novel is about a teenage girl named Kathryn who is constantly tired of her family chatting non stop about her older brother Brett as if he were perfect. Kathryn also has got another struggle on her hands with tutoring the football star Jason West, who unbeknownst or even to make things a little worse, He is also a Mormon. And she is tutoring him for their Honors English class-- which if it were me I'd be a little nervous let alone not sure what to do!!! She decides to give it a chance after all and whenever he brings up the subject of religious talk-- Kathryn's parents let alone her family is not at all too thrilled about it.) Without going into much more details about this, She is handed this secret journal filled with personal letters written to her from the older brother that she never got to know... but comes to learn so much from reading about his journey with chemotherapy treatments. I may not ever know what it must have been felt like to read through those letters and not having any idea with how much life would have easily turned upside down. 

Safe Haven (Tetonia, Idaho)

Whenever I've experienced anything hard in my life--(minus this year alone) I always wanted to be able to have an escape to a place where I could get access into and enjoy the beauties of nature. I truly loved being able to spend quality time at my dad's five generation family cabin located in the small town of Teton County. These past two years, I have legitimately felt so much peace in my heart and being reminded about the simplicity of life and if you have not seen the unbelievable view of the Tetons and if you ask me--they are an absolute sight to see in person!!! I really wish this special place was a lot closer to home and not so far away--but at the same time, I know it would not be the same if it was here in Utah as opposed to being in Idaho. I cannot wait to return back there next year and when there is no more unexpected craziness going on in the world & being able to think about the legacy my grandparents left behind for us. 

Validated

LAST WEEK--- I participated on a miniature Zoom call with two of my favorite people and little did I know one of them would ask me about my disability. It was such an eye opening moment for me to understand that sharing my information with people is only gonna help them know who I am. I didn't know how else to approach this question without a need to respond and kind of vaguely explain what my so called life is. 

For those of you who have never known this about me, I have a genetic disorder called Fragile X Syndrome and it is basically where those X chromosomes do not work like they are supposed to... which if you ask me is kinda annoying-- but you get the idea?!! (There is more to tell about this but here is just a preview--but my mom also has it and my twin sister deals with seizures on a regular basis and I am kind of like her roommate if that makes any sense?? She and I can either one day be like best friends or each other's worst enemy... which for most siblings it is a fairly common thing that we deal with from time to time.) It is also known to be a lot worse in males than females--who like myself do not struggle with reading and writing or let alone much of anything that relates back to academics. It is also such a hardship for me in trying to learn abstract things and not knowing how to process the idea of what is being said-- but I can honestly admit that it does turn into something I wish never existed. 

With being an extrovert in this world, I have certainly gotten my fair share of not being appropriate in social environments. I may never understand in a million years why it is that I am not able to control this kind of behavior and learn that there is extra room for improvement. As I have struggled with on and off experiences with trying to keep my mouth quiet or feel an urge to get my opinion across in an brutally honest way. 

One of the hardest things about my disorder is that I may not know if there will ever be a legitimate or permanent cure for something like this. I am not necessarily gonna hope for that to come up with in the next few years or whatever-- but I do know that it will never define me!!! Without going into much more detail about this on a personal level-- I am grateful for the many things that I can do and not have others tell me what it is I am more capable of being able to take on. I will continue making endless mistakes in situations that never should happen and not having a clear understanding of how someone else perceives me to not take what they tell me close to heart. They might not have known in that moment of them bringing tears to my eyes and leaving it out there for me to take care of and not knowing where to turn afterwards. I've continued to have my NINJA friends reach out and remind me that if I ever feel a need to reach out to them as well as have someone to talk to--- I can simply just count on them to give me heartfelt advice whenever it is necessary. I am grateful for their support to me throughout this unprecedented year more than anything in the world and without them to catch up with on a occasional basis-- My so called life would not be what it is right now. I've even gotten invited to participate on another IL Centers online Zoom activities and what an amazing experience it has been for me to feel included despite the fact-- I am not one of their youth consumers. It has given me a second reason to not only participate on more virtual hangouts with friends, but to learn a lot of new things from them every single week!!!

(End of Part One)

Untitled Post

Utah Youth Advocate Leadership Committee (Marketing Experience)

YESTERDAY AFTERNOON--- I had an opportunity to be involved with creating a brand new logo for this committee and it was truly an experience to remember. I enjoyed getting to participate in the creative process of what it would look like and talk about a meeting that should have only lasted for an hour turned into almost two!!! It was definitely exciting to share this experience with two of the most amazing people in my life and listening to their ideas about what it needed to look like-- was such a delight for me!! I don't have much information to share about this right now but please stay tuned for updates and stories to come down the road--(which may not happen for some time and I'll try to be patient as much as I can!!!)

So Many Laughs

One of the many things that I've enjoyed about this committee-- is getting to work alongside my own peers who have inspired me to see the good in life and not be afraid to share my opinion. I know that it is not typically something I hide away from at all-- but rarely do I ever feel comfortable telling any person I talk to about how I deeply feel inside about something that needs to be taken care of. It was a real treat for me to not only take this assignment to heart, but to have a little bit of extra fun along the way if ya know what I mean?? We enjoyed getting to make each other laugh pretty hard while trying to have a discussion about what the upcoming and new brochure will look like,  while we try to reach out to youth with disabilities about our NINJA Conference!!! It has been repeated from me so many times, but I have loved being a part of the event for six years and the many new opportunities that are in front of me--- never would have happened if I had not joined in on this conference when I did.

Favorite Highlight

I have only met this cute little bunny friend of mine through various Zoom calls on the computer and not ever in person-- but let me tell you this: He definitely is in for a treat once we get a chance to see each other and quite frankly I am anxious to spend time with him if that ever happens!! He is such an adorable bunny with legitimate talents that I cannot wait to see for myself... but as you can imagine, I am such a fan of him more than words could ever say. His name is Curtis and let me tell you that just seeing him asleep yesterday warmed my heart so much---(which if you must know completely made my heart melt.) His incredibly sweet owner quietly mentioned to him as he was sleeping my name & that I love him so much!!! My Goodness--- I have nothing more than just absolute unconditional love for him and it is not a complete understatement if you ask me!!! 

Calmed Down

Conclusion:

As I've posted countless entries about how much this year has affected me, there has come a point in my life where I need to leave it all in the past. I have not enjoyed being in the situation that our world is faced up against throughout these last couple of months and other times- it has left me not having a clue about what to do next. This quote has certainly never rung more true inside my heart than it does now because of how I've made myself feel over the last couple weeks, but also realizing that I cannot predict when things with our invisible enemy will die itself away. 

I have contemplated many times about the perception of how my attitude has changed over time and remembering that there is not much of anything I can do to turn this back to where it came from. It is obvious my life has not been the same like it was this time last year and having a lot of legitimate and wonderful events that I'd prepare to get excited for, but due to the circumstances we are still in--I will have to wait up and see what happens after this craziness is all behind us one million percent. #StayTunedForNextYearUpdatesAboutThis

I am hopeful this time next year we are in a much different place and can look forward into a lot more social activity. I have legitimately liked being able to join with my friends on virtual calls but also w/ the perspective that it is easier to be a part of things than isolate yourself somewhere. I'd never want to make a complete fool of myself because I was too scared about being able to face someone again, which is only a major reason as to why I made the choice to stick with it. I know it is what needed to happen for me and especially with how I didn't want to be consistently told about boundaries when I have had to deal with restrictions like they are. 

If there is one lesson that I've learned from 2020 so far... (Read the quote above and contemplate on how it can be used in your own life!!!) I'm not just here to admit that it has more to do with the crazy pandemic stuff going on, but also realizing I cannot do much about it other than try to move forward in hopes for a better outcome when it is all over with. 

Free Write

Utah Statewide Independent Living Council (Membership Update)

I've not necessarily made it onto this council quite yet--expect for the one assignment that is left to complete is the resume for my application and hope to make a good impression. I know it does not seem like too much right now after everything that it has taken me to reach this point---but I am so grateful for any chance that I cannot pass up and leave an imprint on the hearts of everyone I'll get a chance to meet. I am excited for this amazing new opportunity of a lifetime and getting to learn lots of new leadership skills from such remarkable individuals who are committed to making our lives a reality in more ways than I could ever begin to put into words. It has been on my mind to be one of the members of this council for some time and until this year came around---I never let the thought leave my mind for even a second. I am truly gonna leave this decision in the hands of those who are going to make the choice and hopefully it will be what is best for everybody involved. I cannot wait for those endless blog posts about my experiences with this council to be shared on here and getting myself out of my comfort zone---to impact other peoples lives. It is definitely gonna be an adventure for me to taken on come next month at some point when the decision gets finalized, but I certainly do know everything will just simply work out for the best and hope that I am not disappointed no matter how things end up being like for whoever the council recommends to have a spot on their committee. I have been a part of this non profit organization for six years now and cannot wait to know what it will be like as I move forward with this next step in my life, to find out a little bit more about what I can do to make sure people with disabilities are being treated like everyone else in this world. I have to keep it in perspective that whatever ends up happening from this-- I will have given it my best shot and know that I was able to make a good impression in some way. Stay tuned for updates to come!!! 

Online Event

This week I participated in my first virtual disability conference ever and what an incredible time it was for everybody involved. It was so much fun getting to learn from all of the youth and staff who were participating with us, but I cannot take slightly any credit for how successful it turned out. I'll admit that I did miss not being able to spend in person time with this group of people who are truly like a second family and listening to the insight of each speaker we had on the call with us. I loved being able to learn about what it means to be a self advocate and make changes in the world, in so many ways that I would never have otherwise learned before. 

There are too many highlights for me to share about this week--- but I will admit there was never a dull moment with anybody on those calls!!! This conference has been a part of my life for a couple years now and whenever I have the chance to return back--- it always leaves me with a feeling that there is only so much more I can improve on. I know there a lot more goals in my life that I need to set and hopefully one can will be able to see become a reality. 

I truly loved all of the presenters that came onto this conference and shared their insights about what it means to understand that we can do anything-- no matter if it takes a little extra time, but knowing we can have support in everything we do is incredible. I also really liked being able to learn and look at things that everyone was learning in a different perspective, which to me is always such a treat for everyone!!! 

One of my favorite things that I was nervous about is giving my first ever virtual presentation on a Zoom call and quite frankly.. I could not have been more excited to share a message of hope as well as confidence with everybody. It was such a delight for me to teach all of my friends about the very importance of being able to speak up for yourself and having support with anything that life's gonna throw at them. 

Favorite Highlight:

Prior to an activity that I was going to have everybody help out with--- I shared something that may not have been important to my NINJA peeps-- but it does mean a lot to me. (To make this a heartfelt story short--- When I attended the National Pageant for my Miss Amazing title, I worked really hard to earn this optional volunteer service award & I pretty much had to keep a record of all the hours w/ each organization that I was with, but also to have written letters of proof that I was doing what I had been asked & not making stuff up. I was thrilled to have earned the gold medal after I had completed over a significant amount of volunteer service hours and it was such an indescribable moment for me to know that I worked really hard to make that goal of mine a dream come true!!!