Mini Update

 LAST NIGHT---My family and I drove up to Salt Lake to Eccles theatre to attend a "Mat and Savanna Shaw" Christmas concert. It was the perfect way to lead into the holiday season with a message of hope about our Savior, Jesus Christ and remembering what he has done for us. I especially loved taking a little time away from being home and just getting into the spirit of what this holiday is about. I am grateful for the happiness and peace that comes from striving to be like our Savior, not only during Christmas time---but all year through. He is the greatest gift that any of us could ever want in this world & I know he's stuck with me through everything that life's had to offer. He has reminded me that I can do hard things and trust in him--no matter the circumstances I find myself in sometimes. He never fails to bring peace to my heart when I need it the most among so many other things along this mortal journey. It was heartwarming while at the Christmas concert to listen to songs about our Savior and not being centered on what gifts we'll have under our tree. He went about doing so much good for others & this holiday season I really hope to implement that in to my own life. I am grateful for his guidance and comfort in my life more than I can express. He continuously reminds me that I am not alone & even if I have made mistakes or done something I never should have-- He already took care of it. 

Some of my favorite songs I heard last night:

The First Noel

Breath Of Heaven

Piano Smash-Up (Believe from the Polar Express & Let It Go, from Frozen)

Where Are You Christmas? (From How The Grinch Stole Christmas)

Jingle Bells

Angels We Have Heard On High

I am incredibly grateful to celebrate the birth, life and example of my Savior Jesus Christ throughout this holiday season. He is the gift and nothing could ever replace what he did for me so many thousands of years ago--so that I could be here today. He showed compassion towards everyone whether they deserved it or not which to me, is something I want to share with people. I am so grateful to have the gospel in my life every day and being reminded of what I can do better in striving to follow the one who gave his life, so we could be here. I am grateful for his patience with me as I learn to navigate through difficulties that life may throw or want to help me understand. I am grateful for my testimony of him and want to do all I can to strengthen it so others will do the same. 

Free Write

May 2022 (Hilary Weeks Music)

I have obviously written up quite a bit on this artists music and it has kept me sane throughout times in my life when I didn't know what to do. It has given me opportunities to reflect and deeply think about what I'll need to do better as I look forward into this next year. I am grateful for the inspiration and peace music gives me whenever I need it to lift my spirits on a regular basis. It has definitely given me a lot of extra time to remember what I can do and not pretend like things in daily life are too hard which sometimes anxiety does for me. Here are some of my favorite songs from this artist: Be Where You Are, Brave, Soul On Fire, There Is One, That's Who I Am, Discovering Me, Past The Point, The Waiting Place, etc.

July 2022 (NACDD Conference - DC Trip)

Minus how crazy it was to get home from this trip, I was incredibly grateful to have participated with my colleagues in an event that I'd never heard of before. I am grateful for the opportunity that I had to see just a few of the sites that our nation's capital has to offer. I really enjoyed getting to learn more about specific topics such as: Disability Inclusion in Literature, What lessons we took away from the past two years. I'm grateful for the experiences and lessons I took from this more than anything. I am not sure what other new travel adventures I will get to have in the distant future, but I sure cannot wait to adapt and grow so much more as a person. 

September 2022 (USILC Meeting)

Regardless of the fact this meeting went by a lot faster than it would've gone if I had done it over a laptop computer at home. I really liked being with my colleagues in person and getting to learn from then which at times feels more intimidating than it should. I was really grateful for the opportunity to express my opinion and share what needs to happen within the disability community. It was probably more of a reminder to me about why I love what I do with good people, who genuinely care and want the disability community to be a safe place.

November 2022 (Council Training)

I genuinely tried my hardest to learn as much as I could & participate with everyone else in attendance, which if you ask me is another story. I am trying with all my heart to make sure as a council member--- they are maintaining boundaries on a consistent basis and trying to be a good example for those around them. It's been a little stressful for me at times to not wish things did not feel so overwhelming with all that I have to adapt myself into these roles. 

New Goals For 2023:

- Continue to take care of myself on a regular basis and maintain boundaries with people. 

- Learn as much as I can about disability related issues & avoid the ones that will set off triggers.

- Impact the lives of everyone around me and remembering to focus on what is at hand. 

(End Of Post)

Untitled Post

 January 2022 (Self Advocacy Session)

Two of my colleagues presented on a topic that I am very passionate about and hope to continue sharing with individuals in the disability community. I was very fortunate to have participated in their session--- not once but twice on the same day. It was incredible to learn from them about what it means to be a good self advocate and speaking up for ourselves--no matter what situation we are faced up against. I am truly grateful to not only work with them on a regular basis, but to call them my friends and people who I know will never stop trying to make a difference. 

February 2022 (Night To Shine)

It was truly one of the most unforgettable nights ever and loved getting to spend time with my friends. I am grateful to participate in an event where I can be reassured of God's love for people with disabilities-- all over the world. It was such an amazing night filled with smiles, laughter and memories that I know will be cherished forever. We danced the night away, received our prom queen tiaras and walked down stairs as we listened to our favorite songs, etc. 

March 2022 (Who is a woman in my life that I admire?)

LONG STORY SHORT---I mentioned one of my colleagues as someone who I admire and look up to so much more than I can put into words. They have welcomed me with open arms and given me reasons with never giving up on what is I can do. I am incredibly grateful for their example to me of what it truly means to be a self advocate, disability leader, mentor and friend towards others. I am grateful for their dedication to making the independent living community here in Utah--such a wonderful place and helping me realize what my true potential is to follow my dreams. 

April 2022 (Lessons Learned)

Minus all of the details I could share, this last year gave me opportunities to refocus on what I can do better and not worry so much about things. It does make me realize the potential I have to overcome anything that life throws at me and remembering to take care of myself when it is necessary. Sharing my time and talents with two governor appointed councils is truly an experience that I am so grateful for. It does feel a little overwhelming when there is so much to learn and take away from every virtual or in person meeting that I make an effort to attend. I legitimately know this is an important assignment for me to continue learning and understanding what it is I applied for. 

June 2022 (NINJA Conference)

This was my first time in over ten years that I could not participate like I used to. It was heartwarming to return back to what I dearly loved so much and not being as involved like I was before-- certainly if not more pulled at my heart strings. It was incredible to be reunited with great advocates who are going to change the world and make it an even better place. I am grateful for the memories this conference in particular gave me as I kept going back year after year. I will never forget the gratitude that I had in my heart as I look towards what my future holds and hoping for the best. 

August 2022 (Major Change)

LONG STORY SHORT--It was definitely one of the most bittersweet moments I ever experienced & one that I will keep close to my heart. I truly loved serving with my friends who wanted to share their input or advice in regards with making the lives of people with disabilities, a lot better. There were lots of tears rolling down my cheeks as I listened to the heartfelt words my friends were asked to share with me. I definitely was not prepared for this in any way and had to know there will be more opportunities- for me to keep growing as a self advocate. 

This year in 2022 has been at times an emotional rollercoaster of mixed feelings and changes I was not clearly prepared for. I have needed to come to terms with realizing that boundaries will keep my mental health in a good place and not leaving me off the deep end. It's also given me unforgettable experiences that I will cherish forever and can only hope more show up this next year in 2023. I continue to process almost everything with more tenderness than ever before and still have lot more to keep learning along this journey. 

(To Be Continued)

New Stories

Legislative Training 2023 (Final Decision)

After much contemplation & debate in my head--- I decided to give this event another chance in the hopes that my anxiety will not be easily triggered as it was before. I had a lot of anxiety inside my heart during a miniature session that I remember being left with emotional frustrations about. I ended up reaching out to one of my colleagues and simply asking them to pass me on the unseen agenda once the event is closer. I am obviously nervous with how things will leave me once I step out of that room & walk away with a big smile on my face. I am not certain if that will end up being the case or not this next year, but I will be very grateful to not have anymore frustrations on my plate. 

Missing Out (Mini Version)

I have to end up missing a very important visit with my colleagues this next week--due to the fact I will be waiting outside for my bus to show up and take me back home. I am disappointed with not getting to visit or see them once again which is gonna feel like an eternity. I was really looking forward to this time with them and now I will never get to share more of my input on stuff. Sometimes I need to make sacrifices in my leadership roles that I may not want to do in those moments and yet I have no choice but to miss it all completely so I can get back to volunteering at the elementary school. 

************************************************************************************

Mini Speech

 Transition Service Presentation (UVU)

I am excited about this upcoming presentation and getting a chance to educate the disability community here in Utah on a very important topic that plays a crucial role in the life of someone with disabilities to know what is out there for them. I may have experienced this a long time ago and yet I have an opportunity to stretch my leadership skills a little more through this presentation. It has been such a long time from the last time I did a presentation on something like this for anyone before and look forward to what these students have to ask or share with me after my experience with transition is finished. I am looking forward to inspiring my neighbor as well as their students to know my experience in transitioning from high school into daily life. I am grateful for any chance I can get to present on something that needs to be addressed and brought to light. I am really looking forward to what these students want to know not only from me as the guest speaker, but learning how to find those resources they can look into for accomplishing their goals. I may not know nearly as much as I would like to about this kind of stuff and trying to do my best in spreading awareness in regards to what individuals with disabilities can do instead of what they cannot. I have created my own little Power-Point presentation with photos in it from my past experiences with transition and giving the students a chance, to not only listen to what I have to share---but visually see what I have achieved. There's another week before this takes place and cannot wait for a chance to spread my message of hope with an incredible group of self advocates. 

(End Of Post)

Untitled Post

After receiving some much needed advice--I have decided to give myself a chance and try this one more time. I will be attending yet another council training that should turn out a lot better than the one I attended four years ago. It was not exactly the kind of outcome I had wanted to see myself go through and yet there was not much of anything I could do to make things easier. I ended up with my feelings severely  hurt in a way that no one should ever have to face in their lifetime and somehow after standing up for myself in that situation-- I was somehow able to heal from that period. I definitely would not reconsider attending an event that I know will help me learn how to be a legitimate board member of a council that holds such a special place in my heart. Obviously, I may not even talk much or give any input on stuff that we discuss as a group, but I am confident it will feel a lot less traumatic than before. I am hopeful my anxious self will be in a good place which if ya must know still needs some work leading up to this and I can focus on what is at hand. I am truly grateful for the opportunity to serve on USILC and make improvements along the way which if you ask me is a lot harder than I would have anticipated. It has been an emotional rollercoaster for me to not feel out of place or be dealing with anxiety on a consistent basis whenever I join in on a virtual meeting or event. I am just simply doing whatever it takes to push through my challenges and not look silly whenever I share my legit input on stuff that needs to be addressed.

I am determined in trying to make this experience one that I can look back on with a smile and not have teardrops rolling down my face. I have definitely tried my hardest to maintain boundaries with people I closely associate with on a regular basis and not wish things could be easier. I still have a treacherous & long road of me to walk down but I can only hope for the best. I am fairly certain there will not be much for me to worry about once I arrive and get settled down into things. 

(End Of Post) 

Untitled Post

YESTERDAY---was the four year anniversary since my good friend Josh returned back to the other side and life without him has not been quite the same. I am grateful for the privilege that me and my friends had of knowing what an incredible person he was, which if you ask me is not an understatement. He was such a delight to be around & could light up almost any room that he rolled into. He truly left an imprint on my life as a self advocate who knows despite their struggles, that I can do hard things and always remember who I am. Josh was the life of the party when it came to any class or activity that our independent living center put on. He didn't necessarily ever find it awkward if he ended up with all the girls when it came to projects or things we were asked to take care of. 

Long Story Short--- I remember the simplistic and profound quote my good friend had on the back of their memorial service program that read: "It's okay... Just keep swimming!!" At this time in my life, I could not be more than grateful for this reminder of how I need to keep pushing through the hard stuff without ever overthinking what the worst case scenario would be. I know my friend Josh would need me to never look back with regrets on whatever I may have dealt with over the last while or wished had never happened to me in the first place. 

"May not be what you want, but it's what you need." 

I may not have been grateful for this experience in my life when it happened--- but it is clearly what I needed to push through whatever comes next. I am positively certain whatever my friend Josh is up to where he is right now is making me feel slightly better as this journey of mine unfolds. He never failed with putting a smile on my face or making me laugh when I needed it the most--but I am grateful for a chance to have played a small part on his earthly mission.

(End Of Post)