Free Write

October 1, 2020 (One Year Milestone)

I cannot even believe one year ago next month-- I will have reached my one year mark with being a part of the Utah Developmental Disabilities Council. I have definitely learned and grown so much more as a self advocate within the disability community than I ever imagined possible. I have enjoyed getting to do so many more things with people who are so dedicated and passionate about what they do everyday. It's given me a lot more stuff to focus on in my life and trying my hardest to be a good board member with every single virtual meeting that we have several times throughout the year. 

December 18, 2020 (Back Up Plan)

USILC was originally going to end up being my back up plan if things didn't work out with this other council that I mentioned above. It has been an emotional rollercoaster for me as I've had to learn about maintaining boundaries and trying to keep my anxiety in check as things continue being online. I have certainly had my fair share with tears rolling down my face and trying not to make a complete fool of myself with people I see every three months. I have really struggled with trying to find my place on a council where everybody around me knows way more than I do. There have been so many laughs and smiles given away to not only me, but other people who work tirelessly to make things become a legit reality for people with disabilities. I am grateful for their patience and teaching me the hardest lessons ever which if you ask me I didn't want to necessarily experience in the first place... But it has given me reasons to keep pushing forward with each day that passes on. 

USILC Interim ED Care Package 2021 

I genuinely wish there was not a rule to dismiss from giving you a little extra tender, love and care as you tackle on this new position within the independent living community. You are such an amazingly talented in every way possible and continuously amaze me with your ability to see the good in every situation life hands to you. 

This care package would include:

Tissues (whenever you need a good cry at any given moment)

Snacks (Variety of the things you love to munch on and bring a smile to your face)

Ice Cold Drinks (Diet Dr. Pepper, Water, Lemonade, etc.)

Cozy Warm Blanket (Something to snuggle up in when those chilly fall days arrive)

Ear Buds (Listening to your favorite songs or something to calm you down)

Homemade Banana Bread (I'd love to make this for you some day!!!) 

Untitled Post

NINJA Alumni Call (Highlights)

Getting a chance to spend virtual time with my ninja friends is always a treat for me :) I love getting to catch up with each other and see their faces after some time was much needed, which if you ask me is never anything I take for granted. I have greatly missed not getting to be with my friends in person and getting to tell stories, laugh until it hurts, stay up late into the evening hours, etc. We also participated in doing a virtual scavenger hunt and it was really fun to search around for items that had to be a particular texture, shape, color, etc. I definitely may have had a little too much fun trying to not waste my time with looking for items that we were asked to find around inside our homes, but loved every minute of it :) I am grateful to have had a chance to participate on this call and hopefully more of them will take place into the future!!!

Anniversary Of 911

It's been twenty years since the events of this anniversary when our lives were changed forever and I am grateful despite the heartache that was left behind-- We need to be prepared for when our lives get turned upside down in any situation. I am grateful for the many lives we get to remember this month and think about how much of an impact they left on our hearts from this experience. I was scared to imagine how people from another far away country, would specifically target us as Americans to help us realize what we have on a regular basis is something they were upset about. I remember walking around the museum and memorial of this event back in New York in 2012 to see the rusted objects that were saved for people to see and look at every year. I am certain a lot of those things were important to someone who had either lived through that tragedy or did not know what was going to come of them later on. I may not have been able to visibly read what was said on those objects or know how they got found---but I am grateful for the chance I had to reflect on how lucky I am to be a citizen of this nation. #NeverForget

Eight Weeks

This is how many weeks are left until my best friend ties the knot with her soon to be husband & if you ask me along with my best friends--there is plenty of excitement in the air. I am excited for her to begin this new chapter of life with someone she loves so much and looking forward to what their future holds for them. 

Our best friend Camille made a quick stop by the house and handed me, my twin sister Cassidy a light colored greenish envelope with a hand written letter alongside money to help us purchase our bridesmaids dresses. We did not waste any time long after she left to look online for what options we'd want to pick from & just make sure it was as close to the color scheme that they had. We received news earlier today that our dresses are being shipped and will be arriving in the next two weeks--which if you must know, cannot show up nearly if not soon enough!!! We sent off the pictures of our dresses to Camille and luckily for us--she was happy with them to say the least after she got a chance to see what they look like. 

LONG STORY SHORT---There are probably more updates and untold stories to come in the fairly distant future!!! I am so excited for the chance to be a bridesmaid once again (in what has been like nearly almost ten years ago when my older sister got married.) This special occasion cannot be more than the biggest & most unforgettable highlight for me, my twin sister and our two best friends!!! We are definitely going to have such a blast getting to walk around with flower bouquets in hand & the biggest smiles on our faces all night long :) Hahaha--Seriously though!!! I am not sure what else to expect other than an unforgettable night to remember with my best friends!! 

(To Be Continued)

Numb (Part Two)

My good friend Josh attended classes and activities at our independent living center for sixteen years, which kind of blew me away a little bit. I had no idea that his journey in the world of independent living began at such a young age and until his return back to the other side, I never would have guessed that his legacy of what it means to be a good leader, self advocate and everything in between would have lead me to where I am now. His example to me of trying to persevere through the hard times with a good attitude never ceased to amaze me in more ways than I could ever put into words in a blog post. He left an imprint on my heart in a way that I know will stick with me forever and cannot thank him enough for the person that he was in not only in my life, but in the lives of so many people. I may not have known him for nearly as long as other people did, but I am so grateful for the opportunity that I had of being acquainted with an extraordinary person who wanted nothing more than to see life in a different way. I am grateful for all of the many laughs we shared together with our friends and being reminded to not take life too seriously if not all the time. 

(Conclusion)

I struggled with my friend's unexpected return home three years ago and still cannot imagine how life has gone on without him. He had an entire road left for him to roll down and tackle experiences that I am sure he never imagined himself having until now. However, the song numb performed by David Archuleta got me through it in a way that I did not think was possible and the lyrics have gotten themselves stuck inside my head. I listened to the song on repeat multiple times and didn't find myself wanting any other song to be played expect for this one in particular. It kept me feeling numb towards what was going on in the moment when I clearly didn't want to feel anything more than guilt for not having known just the circumstances my friend Josh was faced up against. I had no idea there was a lot more happening in his life than what I was able to visibly see with my own two eyes. I am pretty certain my good friend Josh would not have wanted me to feel numb about him not being on this earth and not continuing to enjoy life to the fullest. He would want me to push through any obstacles that have ever come into my path and just tackle each of them in a way, that I did not think for even a second was possible.


I am grateful his legacy has continued to push me along these past almost eighteen months of so many unknowns and not having the answers I need to break through these walls, that legitimately kept me back from seeing the bigger picture. After learning some of the hardest lessons from these past several months, I know my life is nothing short of what you would call "A delightful walk of an experience for the most part and yet there are times when my numbness is so visibly real that I just let it out on other people. But it has gotten slightly easier to realize what my potential in life is to not continuously hold a grudge towards something I felt numb about. I am so thankful this song helped keep me sane when I felt like everything right in front of me, was falling apart with not any kind of explanation whatsoever. 

But what did I learn from this experience??

Life is never going to not hand us trials, that we will never be able to handle. It may not what we want in the moment we feel at such a loss with little to no energy-- but I am hopeful as a disability leader, self advocate, mentor and friend that I can keep in mind: "You are stronger than you think and braver than you realize." All I have to do is remind myself everyday--"You'll be able to handle anything that gets put into your hands and just believe in yourself to never stare back but just keep looking forward." 

Numb

If you have been following my blog "A Dancer's Life" for the past five years, I have obviously written up a little too much about some of my all time favorite songs and never went into a lot of depth about them-- until today. There is a song in particular that sustained me through one of the worst times in my life back in 2018 and quite frankly-- I'd like to share a little bit more about that with you. 

October 3, 2018 (Three Years Ago)

One of my good friends who I had only known for a short period of time, was unexpectedly called back to the other side three years ago this fall. I wanted to not believe for even a second about how difficult it was, not knowing all of the details in regards to this unexpected loss and feeling an emptiness that no one in the world should have to go through. However, I did end up falling into a little bit of a depression but if ya ask me it was not the kind I had to go see a professional for... but it did leave me not having a lot of energy or wanting to do all that much. I had never experienced that kind of stuff before and not knowing if it was all a temporary gut inside of myself that I knew needed to be overcome, or what I had to do in order to leave behind what kept holding me back. My friend Josh was one of the most positive, unconditionally loving, genuine person I had ever met and minus all of his own struggles in life-- he never let them wear him to the point where he'd ask himself: "Why did this have to happen to me and is there not anything else that someone like me cannot handle right now?" He never once complained about how difficult things in life were for him whatsoever and knowing he is in a better place left me leaving at first-- a little bit numb. It was unbearable for me to believe that someone who had their entire life ahead for them and only to find out it would be short lived was hard for me to wrap my head around. 

The title of my blog post today is something that I keep close to my heart. There have been experiences in my life where I didn't want to feel numb towards something that was only trying to help me grow as well as become an even better disability leader, which at the time made me feel like I was not trying my hardest to be that for others. My life was certainly stuck in a place that I never wanted to see it in and if you must know I could not for any reason pretend like this loss did not hurt me more than I genuinely wished it had not. I felt numb with hearing the vague details about this person's loss with not having any kind of idea that they struggled with a lot more than I realized--but you get the picture?? I am not here to make a complete fool of myself or draw attention towards anyone who is reading through this, but I am hopeful from this experience that I can learn to understand: "It's okay, Just keep swimming!!"

My life was turned upside down after this loss happened three years ago and then in that period-- I have dealt with a lot more than I've wanted to handle as my life continues to be what it is. Please do not ever think after everything I have needed to learn in these past several months has been a walk in the park-- which if you must know is not even close to the truth. I did not want to experience this loss during such a time in my life when things were out of my control and there was no choice for me, but to hide all of my emotions from people who genuinely care for my well being.

(End Of Part One) 

Executive Member

LONG STORY SHORT---I received a Facebook message from one of my colleagues who I serve with on my governor appointed council asked me if I had any interest with being an executive member. It certainly threw me off guard a little bit with not knowing exactly what it entailed (let alone knowing if I would be able to handle something at such an intense level.) There is absolutely no guarantee that my chances of trying to reach this goal will come true or if I will need to accept whatever the outcome is regardless if my name gets called upon. 

Instead of going into details about this situation, I am not certain that someone like me could ever reach a high pedestal like that one.  It would legitimately kill me inside if I had to keep track of stuff that I am not necessarily an expert in whatsoever and yet here I am wondering about what this time next week is going to look like for them. I am hopeful things can turn out for the best for everybody and I can take on another leadership role that is a little less overwhelming. 

New Youth Leadership Committee (Chairperson)

Whoa!!! This could end up being the most unexpected scenario for me to become the newly elected chair for my Youth Leadership Committee. I cannot even imagine what my life would end up being like if I did get asked to take on this position and something I didn't necessarily see coming into my path. But I would put a hundred and ten percent into what is expected of me and try my hardest to leave an imprint on all of the hearts of people I work with. I am not necessarily here to admit this would happen for me, but I cannot pretend anymore that when lifetime opportunities come up... I will try my best to not have them pass by. I am hopeful things in regards to what happens next week is for the better of the council :) 

(Watch For Part Two Coming Next Week)

Free Write

TOMORROW NIGHT---My twin sister and I along with our best friends will meet up at our friend's house for an unforgettable evening filled with happiness!!! We are going to head off from there to have dinner at ZUPAS which if you ask me never disappoints for a scrumptious meal and then attending our favorite singer/performer David Archuleta's outdoor concert. Instead of me going into details about this, you might as well wait patiently for another blog post to show up!! :) 

Virtual Webinar (Mini Story)

One of the many things I liked about this event yesterday was getting to feel inspired by the stories that people I did know and did not share with the group. It was such an eye opening moment for me to hear about the experiences people are having due to the waiting list and needing to get qualifications for the services they need to be independent in our society. I am truly hoping stuff in our state will change over time and more stories can be shared-(things can begin to turn themselves around immediately.) This is going to take at least five years in the making to see this waiting list disappear and yet even if I do not know as much about it as I'd like to... it will come to an end. 

Letter To Myself (Unofficial Story)

By the time I've read through this, my time with the most amazing youth leadership committee will have to come to a bittersweet end. You are not necessarily going to stop those tears of happiness and gratitude from rolling down your cheeks as you prepare for the next stage in life. Three and a half years ago--- I'm sure you didn't realize just how much of an imprint this group of people would leave you on your heart. I know it is going to be an emotional time for you to look in to the faces of your friends and colleagues who have motivated, inspired, encouraged, believed in you to do hard things. You will make certain words of gratitude come from your mouth as the committee meeting comes to a end on whatever day that falls itself onto... You will have made a difference in the lives of everyone who had the chance of knowing what an amazingly genuine, unconditionally loving person you are!!! (Please stay tuned for an actual heartfelt post coming to you all at some point next summer.)