Taken Back

When I received the acceptance email about being a youth mentor for my disability leadership conference, it was definitely quite surreal in more ways than I expected it to be. I have questioned a little bit if there is not more to the story here than what meets the eye, because several months back-- I didn't think for even a second that I'd even reach this goal once again. I know it is an exciting moment for me to celebrate about an opportunity that has continued to impact my life in countless ways, but somehow it feels a little more taken back this time around. 

I really hope to leave an imprint on the hearts of everybody who participates with us and tries to get as much out of the conference as they can possible. But it leaves me wondering if I was only felt sorry for due what I did months prior to this even becoming a reality or if it was because the person who sent me the information wanted to give me another chance? I may never know the exact answer and that to me will have to be something I need to persevere through until the event actually happens...but who knows?? It has given me a lot of mixed emotions as to knowing if I was even their first choice or just someone they had to contemplate a lot on before making an official decision? 

It's most likely unusual for me to share this with you, but I know my experiences throughout the past almost fourteen months have obviously led me straight to here. I really didn't know what to think once the email came through if I was only dreaming or just wanted to accept whatever was going to happen would end up simply being what it needed to be? 

I am not particularly sure about how this all came into my head (let alone into a blog post like this but I do know it needed to be shared with anyone who reads my stuff understands where I am coming from.) I was expecting my chances of being selected were not gonna be very high up there after turning in my application months before and I knew in my heart--I needed to be fair with how the outcome would be if it ever came into my path. 

The message I want to get across here is one of the hardest for me to wrap my head around... I am not particularly certain if I was even close to being the mentor who got selected not knowing their chances were not very much up there. I am just simply hoping for an experience that is going to leave me with a chance to refocus on what I can do better as a disability leader, advocate, mentor and friend to all of those youth participants who I know have so much they will need to get out of the conference as they can possible. I am certainly not sure about what other surprises this virtual conference will have in store for me and my friends--but I legitimately hope it will start and finish off better than what happened last year. I want to be a disability leader whose not only just a good person, but someone who motivates and encourages others like themselves to know they are not alone. They can accomplish as many goals as I know they are capable of doing (regardless of what others may think they are not able to tackle.) I know this second year of being on a virtual conference is going to have a lot of ups and downs along the way- but I am truly grateful to contribute in anyway that I can to make this event successful. It has obviously been a struggle for me to reach this point and feel confident in what lies ahead--but until the conference itself happens, I am not sure what else is going to be expected of us youth mentors. I am determined in making sure I leave an imprint on the hearts of everyone who is going to be involved with this event & realizing that just doing my best is enough. All I can easily admit now is: NINJA Conference 2021----- Ready Or Not--Here I Come!!! :)