Reflections (Part One)

"Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior."

I've always known that regardless of anything I ever have to face in my life, the Savior will always be there for us and lift us up whenever we need him the most at any given moment. I have always known that for about as long as I can remember and trying to keep that spiritual perspective in mind at all times or wherever I am in this world. 

I know that faith doesn't necessarily make things easier for us, but it makes them possible and sometimes I need to recognize that in my life a little more than I normally do. I am not particularly sure what my Father in Heaven is trying to teach me at this time about whether or not I need to remember that His hand is always outstretched still waiting for me to take a hold of at some point whenever I need to hang onto it.



Whenever I have reflected back on this past week and the things that I have had to experience were incredibly difficult for a person like me to never quite fully understand for whatever reasons those may be. I know for me it hasn't ever continued to be so less or more challenging to keep those people in my life, than it has been over the past twenty years or whatever u would like to narcissistically picture that in your head.

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"A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand & touches your heart."

This past week I was about to the point where things in my life felt impossibly unbearable to look into seeing as a positive influence on me. I will not go into the details of what happened but the fact that it was not something I'd even come close to recognizing as a problem for me which it never will be at any time in my life. I know that I will never come to understand everything that took place over the course of this week alone and leading up to what was going on, I felt this emptiness in my heart--that I had never felt before but who knows what could happen down the road?? Am I ever gonna feel like it was an experience that my Father in Heaven knew I needed to go through in order to fully just understand what was happening in this moment?? I am probably one of the fewest people on planet earth who would ever learn something from what took place and not knowing if it was ever much of any of my business to have heard about this particular situation???? I may never have that answer to what I wanted to have at that time of this struggle and yet noticing everyone around me knew all of the circumstances in regards to the trial that was in front of their faces? I know my friends who had this experience not be of anything that was not close to necessary for me to be there in comforting each of them for???? 

I am not trying to come across emotionally negative about all of this, but in the sense of what I was experiencing this week alone I didn't feel nearly as prepared for what was to come. I know when my friends from many memorable moments of my life were there at this occasion we had attended, that even one of them who I have felt so immensely close to more than anything would not have seen all of that pain I was consistently having a hard time seeing past from what was in front of their faces... 

FLASH BACK to earlier this week and trying to emotionally understand what was really going on here. I will never fully understand the sense of what was happening and yet again I knew my heart was not ever going to feel the same again after a situation like this one. I know that it was not at all one of the happiest moments in my life and let alone was it that way for anyone elses. It has literally been a very difficult week for me to not see past what is right front of my face and letting it help me grow into a better person. I am not here today to make it come across being down about myself...but having realized that it was the way things needed to be is a little harder for me to kind of get the bigger picture into what this is really about. 

Am I ever gonna completely know or not feel like this experience was not something my Father in Heaven knew I needed to go through in order to just understand what had just taken place???? I am probably one of the few pple in this world, who would ever learn something from a trial such as this one and not have quite fully figured out what was making everyone grieve in such pain???? Obviously, I noticed everyone around who knew so much more about this than I did for me to make the effort of realizing that they knew exactly what was going on???? 




I will not ever quite have seen the bigger picture in what was truly an emotional rollercoaster of emotions for me?!?!! I may not see myself wanting to face this kind of situation again and yet it was nothing more than just a whirlwind of ya know unexpected/confused feelings?? I'll most likely never know why things didn't turn out better than it should have and regardless of whatever those hardships are that come into our lives, We have someone there with us to make our burdens less heavy than it needs to be. 

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I am literally not sure what my heart would like me to write up today and it's simply because of things that I've experienced these past couple of weeks. I have tried to emotionally keep my head up high and sometimes I feel like it is exactly what I've got to be doing with myself right now. It really makes me wonder if the things that have happened in my life were necessary for me to go through and not feel like it wasn't supposed to teach me something important?? Regardless of the many things that I have experienced so far this year have literally strengthened my testimony of this gospel so much and I am grateful 4 the many blessings it continues to bring into my life. I am not someone who is very good at finishing their thoughts when it comes to blogging about things like this and maintaining that spiritual perspective. I cannot even tell you what an absolutely difficult few days it has been for me to have people that I've loved getting to know and love so much, leave from the things they were doing before to do other things instead. I have never dealt with so much mixed emotions since I've gone through stuff that I never expected it to see happen and yet it makes me wonder what else I could do to make it less difficult. I know everything has continued to maybe get a little bit harder and more trying than I was expecting them to, but I am grateful for the times I can learn to become more like my Savior. 

Awhile back I shared this beautiful and inspiring quote with a friend of mine, ever since that time I have been able to reread this over and over again. The profound effect it's had on my life has been absolutely wonderful and I know that as long as I continue to hang in there doing the best I possibly can we are gonna make it through any trial life gives us. I am grateful for the amazing peace this quote has brought me over the course of time and reminding me that even though it has not gotten a lot easier as the days have gone on, I know there is much more to look forward to. I am not writing this up today because I feel like things are not going right with my life, but to hopefully let people know that I am here to spread a message of what means a lot to me. I know that because of the things I have emotionally struggled with over the years, that I know my Savior, Jesus Christ will always be there with me to lend his hand that is outstretched still. I am humbled & blessed to be a part of an amazing purpose of why I am here on this earth to never forget what my special mission is. There are so many things in each of our lives that probably seem a lot harder than it appears to be right in front of us, I know there is a light at the end of every tunnel. 

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With this incredible and amazing school year coming to a close in just a matter of weeks, I can't even begin to explain how much gratitude that I have in my heart for this wonderful life changing experience. It has been such a rewarding and great almost seven years getting to help out in two different classrooms this year and even though it was difficult at first, I have enjoyed being able to serve in anyway that I possibly could.

August 2010

I started my internship over at Westridge Elementary about six years ago and as nervous as I felt inside about this, I really didn't know if someone like me would enjoy getting to help out in a first grade classroom. It was definitely an entire new adventure for me to take on and little did I know what an absolute life changing experience it would turn out to become. 

I almost wanted to not do it at all until shortly after that first year of being a intern, that I'd find myself going back for the next few years. It has been one of the biggest blessings in my life and I honestly wouldn't want to trade this experience for anything else. I may not have peformed various tasks as well as I would have liked to, but I was able to give it my best shot and never give up on myself to pushing through every situation that came in my path. 

April 2017

Almost seven years later did I ever think that my life would be like it is now and I am here to tell you, that this experience of volunteering has made me a better person in this world. I have loved getting to watch the students I've had in the past growing up and moving onto the other grades has truly been such a treat for me to be a part of. I am not sure what else the rest of this school year has in store for me, but I do know that the people I've met at Westridge have truly impacted my life more than I'd ever be able to express into my own words. Thank you all so much for your patience and willingness to give me opportunities to serve in your classrooms and getting better accquainted with you on a personal level.

A Flash Back

One of the many remarkable people that I've been able to meet while volunteering over at Westridge have truly been so amazing and incredible to work with. Awhile back I was given the privilege and opportunity to help volunteer in the library with my absolute favorite librarians ever, Miss Christoffersen. She was such a gem to be able to get to accquainted with and I kept telling her multiple times that I was so impressed with how she was able to keep that library running smoothly. She would genuinely tell me that "Yes, it's a chore." But I knew that she enjoyed getting to help all of the students at Westridge with anything they needed. I liked getting to listen and watch her teach all of the classes that came in through the library during the day. She always prepared so many fun lessons and watching her read books to the students was an absolute delight for me to see.  I remember going in there after having helped out in Mrs. Schwen's first grade classroom and heading over to the library to do whatever I'd need to get taken care of. I also liked being able to have some peace and quiet away from the chaos of my first grade students. I didn't really know how much fun it would be to help out in a library because you'd simply think it would just be really boring. But I tried my hardest to make it such a positive experience for myself and for the librarian who was already putting in so many hours to make that library such a fun place to be. I'll never forget when I was asked to clean down the book shelves as best as I could & believe me, I gave it my all to make sure those book shelves looked very spotless and clean. I remember some of the teachers walking into the library and telling me what a great job I was doing at cleaning the shelves in there and asking me if I could do that in their classrooms. It was definitely something I didn't see coming but I would genuinely let them know that I'd be more than happy to do that if it needed to be done at the time. I enjoyed getting to learn some new skills about how much effort and energy it takes into being a librarian. It was definitely at certain times for me a little more challenging than I thought it would be and yet I gave did my best to do whatever needed to be done. I also really enjoyed getting to do the inventory in the library which basically means that I walked around looking for books that haven't been checked out in the last ten years and needed to be taken off the shelves. Or if there was any particular books that were missing to make sure I matched the barcodes/call numbers with it from this inventory packet that had all of the information on it. If I ever found one of those I would match it up and make sure it was the correct one, and then check it off the list. It was so much fun to check out all of the different sections of the library were located. I was grateful for the opportunity it gave me to try something new and also take a lot of that hard work off the librarians shoulders so they could focus on the many other things they needed to do. Sarah was such a great friend/mentor to me over the years and even allowing me the opportunity to help her out with little things like whether it was being the score-keeper of a game she had put together or whatever it was, I felt very humbled/blessed to do that. I loved it so much and I will truly never forget the patience & kindness that Sarah showed me throughout those years more than anything else. It was really such a blessing to not only make a new friend but to help out in a completely different way. I am  forever grateful for her example and friendship  which is something that I will always hold a special spot in my heart for years to come. 

Sarah,

Words will never be enough for me to describe how much I'll miss you not being here at the school and giving so much countless service to all of the students. I am grateful for your amazing example and friendship in my life more than anything in this world has to offer. I am sad to see you leaving this wonderful school and moving on to other things in life, but I know that anyone who comes into contact with you their lives will be forever changed. Thank you so much for all of the service you've given to Westridge all these years and I know that my life will never be same because of you. I will greatly miss seeing your pretty smiling and cheerful face every time I've run into you at the school once in awhile. Thanks again for being the sweetest and most wonderful person in my life!! I am grateful for the many memories of laughs and fun times the both of us were able to share together. Wishing you all the best in everything you do and hope to see you around later!! #FriendsForever

Final Day Of Institute

As I attended my final day of special needs institute, I couldn't help but reflect a little bit on how much this class has impacted me as an individual. I am so grateful beyond words for the amazing spirit that I was able to feel there every single week and learning from a wonderful teacher whose testimony strengthened me to be more like the Savior. There are no words for me to even describe into words what an extraordinary blessing this class was for me this semester and I can't wait to see what next semester has in store.

My testimony of what Institute has done for me this semester:

"I just wanted to take the opportunity and thank each of you for making this class such a wonderful experience. Getting to be in that class has helped me through so much & I am incredibly grateful for the peace it has brought into my life this past year more than anything. I have truly felt closer to my Father in Heaven more this semester than I ever have at any other time in my life and that to me has been such a wonderful thing. I want to also thank our teacher for being such an absolute gem for her willingness to come out here and teach us lessons with the sweet spirit that she shares with all of us on a regular basis. I am so grateful for her influence in my life more than anything else in the world and being able to feel of her great love for this gospel is truly a comfort to me. All of you are pretty legit and such a great group of people whose testimonies of the Savior, Jesus Christ have lifted me through the thick and thin. This class has been the absolute greatest blessing of my life and I am so blessed to have had the incredible opportunity to be a part of it this semester."

NINJA Volunteer Youth Mentor - Training 2017

In about three weeks from today, I will be heading up to Salt Lake City, Utah for a very important training indicating the details/expectations that I'll need to know before hand in working at our 5th annual NINJA Youth Leadership Conference. I am super thrilled to take on this new role of what is truly expected from me on becoming the best staff that I can be to everyone involved. I am not sure what else to take in from this experience other than just knowing how to handle certain situations as best as I can possible.

What I've learned from participating in this conference is...

Being able to take back the skills and lessons I learned from the conference, back to my independent living center so I can help my friends there to reach their full potential in the things that they do each day.

How I've grown as a leader/self advocate from attending this NINJA Conference:

About a year later after I graduated from this conference, I had the privlege of attending the Quality Of Life Conference with the People First organization up Provo Canyon. One of the main staff who was there with us mentioned to me and a group of people about this Advocates As Leaders - Self Advocacy Speakers Network. It's basically a committee of people like ourselves who get trained in various topics of what individuals such as ourselves believe in, feel, cherish and value. They have a contract through USU (Utah State University) and even though they are not on the actual payroll, I get paid $50 dollars to write and present a topic that we feel is really important for the public to hear, know and understand. I truly feel like even though this organization has nothing in relations to this specific youth leadership conference, I definitely have a feeling that our NINJA Program really in some ways helped to prepare me for it. I am so grateful for the experiences that I hope to have at one point down the road in learning more skills and what is expected of me as a self advocate.

#BestInstituteClassEver

As my final days of attending special needs institute come to an end, I know that my life has been forever changed because of this experience. I cannot even begin to tell you how much this class really strengthened my testimony of what this gospel is all about and the ways it continues to make me strive to be a little better.

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives
For a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led to those, who help us most to grow
If we let them and we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
Because I know who I am today, because I knew you


Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes the sun
Like a stream that meets a blouder 
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you, 
I have been changed for good.

My special needs institute class was one of the most cherished & memorable highlights for me this year, more than anything else in the world. I am grateful for the spirit that I was able to feel so strongly each and every week that I was there to learn more about my Savior, Jesus Christ. I know this gospel is true without a shadow of a doubt and no matter how challenging each of our lives gets to be sometimes, as we continue to do the basic everyday things to help us be closer to our Father in Heaven- we can get through anything. In these song lyrics here from the hit popular Broadway musical, WICKED both the witches of OZ perform this song together and somehow it gets me every single time. I always end up with tears in my eyes every single time, just simply because I know that there have been so many good examples of people that have changed my life for good. I know whenever we are focused on the Savior and remembering his important role in our lives, we can get through any trial that we may have experienced in the past. I know that my experiences this year in institute have blessed my life more than I could ever say and I'm so grateful for that opportunity to have been a part of it. Thank you all so much for being so awesome and inspiring me to be more like the Savior each day. 

Moving Forward

In my special needs institute class earlier this week, our amazing teacher shared with us a question that has literally been stuck on my mind:


Have you ever had an experience/story where you knew that God was aware of you? 


My Two Experiences:

I have a brief experience while volunteering over at the elementary school and somehow things didn't necessarily turn out as well as I would have expected them to. It was certainly hard not really have known that regardless of the outcome of this situation, I could have easily gone to ask for help or let the first grade teacher know what was going on at the time. I felt like in that moment this feeling of like I had made a mistake and long story short, I went home and walked up into my room, turned on some random song on my ipod & felt this warm fuzzy feeling come over me... like "It's going to be okay. You're gonna get through this and I am fully aware of what is going on right now. Just be strong and keep your head up!!" I immediately felt like everything was going to turn around at some point and that I would be able to look back on this experience as a way of understanding that our Heavenly Father is always there. I am grateful for his direction in my life so much and the ways he continues to strengthen me in my lowest lows and highest highs. 

With all of that being said, I've recently gone through a change where I had to make a decision about not being in a serious relationship with a guy and ever since that last date I went on with them, I just had these feelings of like: "Maybe this isn't the right relationship for you to be in right now and you need to get out of it." I didn't know for sure about whether my thoughts were messing with me or if the spirit was telling me something that I needed to be aware of. I could definitely feel like he was not only prompting me to get out of the situation but that I needed to move forward in my life, because I am honestly not ready for a serious relationship yet. I'm confident that my Heavenly Father will prepare me to find a great young man to get to know better with time/patient in his timing.