Free Write

I'm sorry for the delay in not updating my blog this week more than I usually do... but with all that has gone on in my life this year, it made wanting to write up anything difficult for me. I am grateful for the chance to share some of my thoughts and experiences about what did happen over the course of this past week.

One of the many events that my family participated in this week, was the incredible annual Temple To Temple 5K walk and run. It definitely reminds you of what those early saints went through for all of us, so we could have the true gospel of Jesus Christ on the earth today. I am grateful to have only walked a little over two miles for those who came before me and were courageous to make the journey, even though they knew it was not going to be an easy trip into the Salt Lake Valley. I know this event has taken place every single pioneer day on the 24th and as we were walking from one temple to the next, I was in such complete awe over the fact that so many others before walked or traveled miles to get to the temple or let alone somewhere they could live the gospel in peace. 



I absolutely love this gospel so much and feel very blessed to be a part of such a worldwide church that continually wants to bring people back into the fold. I know it is through our Savior, Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father that no trial of our faith is never close to impossible as long as we look to him for help in every situation. It was such a wonderful reminder to me that even if I didn't have to cross the plains in those days when the pioneers made their journey west, this little fun run was only just a glimpse into what they did for each of us.



I have participated in two youth treks that were both incredibly hard & not so much fun at times, but it gives you a reminder everyday of your life that as long as we can focus on the Savior...We will make it through anything. Treks are really meant to be difficult things and if you think about what those early saints went through in life back then, it makes me appreciate that we have modern medicine to help with so many things. Being a part of this fun run was definitely an eye opening experience for me to learn and understand that in spite of my challenges in life, there is not anything I cannot accomplish or overcome. This was certainly one of the most amazing fun runs ever and felt so incredibly grateful to have been a part of it in some way. So many times I would have easily just wanted to stop walking in this event and take a little rest, but I needed to finish it in order to feel like no matter what happens we can be proud of ourselves for making the journey. 

Birthday Weekend

2018 Birthday Highlights:

 Got to spend time with family who came in from out of town, to be here with us and celebrate our special day!!! I absolutely loved the necklaces they gave me and my twin sister, which I cannot wait to get more use out of as the rest of the year goes on!! 

 Received a lot of sweet birthday wishes from dear friends and family all over social media, which I am so sorry if I didn't get around to replying back to all of them!! Thank you all so much for being a part of my life and always putting a smile on my face, whenever I need it at any moment. Love you all so much and cannot wait to see what this year has in store for me!!!

 Had two of the sweetest little friends of mine come over and surprise me with new posters, that I currently have stuck to my bulletin board in my bedroom. It truly meant so much to me having them not only wish me a Happy Birthday, but to make me feel so loved was indescribable. I really love all of them so much and super anxious to hopefully get a display of them up at some point in time. I am so grateful for their unconditional love and kindness to me, in more ways than I could ever put into words right now. 

Loved all of the thoughtful gifts that friends either came over to give us in person and visit, or just to stop by to tell us Happy Birthday!!! It was so much fun answering the door to friends who I have either known my entire life or just getting to know, honestly made the entire day so much fun!!! We had such a great day filled with lots of hugs and smiles all across the board. 

 Unexpected Happiest Birthday Surprise, Ever!!! 

After what had been the last all of my birthday presents, I noticed there was a brown gift bag sitting smack dab on the counter... but didn't necessarily know what was inside or if it was even for me. I honestly felt like until my parents kept urging me to open it up and found out, somehow in the back of my mind I was not particularly sure where it had come from. It took a little bit of time, to figure out what it could have been inside this brown gift bag-- but when I quickly opened it up and found this clear plastic bag that looked like it had a lot of things inside.



I noticed all of the cute decoration that was all over it and seriously still didn't know who it had come from whatsoever. Once I had just seen the card with my name on the front of it and immediately recognized the handwriting--I could not have been more completely surprised by what was coming next.




I quickly saw there was a small gift inside with a super cute hot pink ribbon around what looked like two bracelets together. Both of them had the most amazing little charms linked to each one, with a queen tiara type charm & second one had a little circle charm titled: "Path of life. It was incredibly beautiful and then I closely looked as to where the charms had come from, the small little tag on both said: Nordstrom Rack!!! I couldn't even believe how fancy they looked and couldn't wait any longer to put them on my wrist. As I read through the rest of the card, it didn't take me too much longer to see who had given me the present & quickly just got excited from head to toe with the biggest smile on my face!!! It was incredibly sneaky of them to have handed it over and not said a word to me about it. Somehow in the back of my mind, I must have seen them hand my dad something and just probably thought it wasn't much of anything too special.



 But as it turned out to be, it was the most unexpected happiest birthday surprise ever and I literally was just squealing with excitement about what had just happened!! It was very sweet of them to think of me on my birthday and both of these ladies have impacted my life, in so many different ways and I feel so blessed to know what extraordinary people they are. They are such amazing examples to me of what it means to be strong in spite of difficult times and honestly have inspired me to see the good in not only myself, but other people as well. I just absolutely love the charm bracelets they gave me and they are just the cutest pieces of jewelry that I have ever seen in my life!!! Thank you so much to my favorite blonde and her remarkable brunette friend, for seriously taking the time to make my twenty sixth birthday one for the books!!! 

Untitled Post

It was literally not even kidding the longest day of my life, yesterday as I spent all of my time up at Lagoon Park and couldn't even remember when the last time I was there. It certainly felt kind of good to have made the effort of going there myself, but seriously wished I hadn't for many reasons. I really felt completely nervous and emotional about spending time with people who rarely ever speak a word to me anymore and just not being able to say things that could help them out. It has not been the most happiest time in my life having been through so many difficult emotions and heartache, about some of the toughest decisions that I ended up making. It was honestly the most not so fun experience like I had originally anticipated it would be like and at times, part of me just literally wanted to go home and not deal with this situation anymore. I didn't really want to be up at Lagoon under these shattered yet  broken circumstances and only would have wished that I didn't make the trip in the first place. It did feel like everything was just one error after the next, which to me didn't make the experience any less or much better in anyway, shape, or form. To make this long story short, I really hope there is at least something to take away from this experience and move forward with a positive attitude in hopes that I can find someone who will understand me for who I am, in spite of how their past challenges really effected them. I will most likely never want to do this again for a second time, because I did not want to see the person who not only left me with a shattered heart but not knowing where to go forward w/ what happens next in my life. 

Other Updates:

Cannot wait to get a new iPhone for my birthday... because my old one keeps having issues with not being able to work like it should & quite frankly, I am ready for something that does not have ANY unexpected shut downs all the time. 

Happy Birthday to the sweetest, legitimate, passionate, genuine, amazing, dedicated, hardworking, self less Queen Bee on this planet!! I am so grateful for her example to me in how to see the positive things in every situation and always brings a smile to the faces of everyone around you. Thank you so much for everything that you do to make me a better person in this world. Hope you had an amazing birthday with friends and family!!! You totally rock, don't ever change!! 

A new update coming in two weeks from today and I cannot wait to share it with all of you!! Please stay tuned for an exciting post to read & I truly hope you guys will enjoy reading it as much as I will writing it up for you!!!

Vacation Highlights

I have tried to post some of the highlights we had on our week vacation to Mexico on here, but have not felt like it was completely necessary to do... when I had shared pictures on my Facebook account during that time. It was definitely a wonderful trip filled with some adventures that included a chance to snorkel in the ocean, which I will admit was not at all one of my most favorite things to do... but I certainly gave it a shot even though it was difficult for me. I was able to see a lot of the beauties that Mexico has with their scenery and getting to hike up to a little waterfall, which was not much of any thing too special because that country is in their rainy season-- so it was hard to even want to soak yourself in the water. We were also given the opportunity to spend a lot of time at our legit beach resort that had so many different places to eat, stores that we could shop in and get whatever we needed for the week, etc. I absolutely loved spending time with my older sister and her husband, along with my little three month old niece Skye who invited us to join them on this trip. It really made me feel happy to get to know her a little bit better and cannot wait to watch her grow up into the most fun-loving young lady on this earth. It was extremely humid and hot in Mexico, which I'm sure is not too uncommon for the people who live there-- but to me I definitely tried my hardest not to ever complain about it because if I did-there was not much anyone could do. I wished it had been slightly overcast a little bit while we stayed there, but at the same time-- having a hotel that was very air conditioned nicely made it not so miserable. I really liked being able to get away for a week and relax almost everyday from the stress of life, because I needed it more than anything else for many different reasons. I am so grateful for the memories and laughs that we shared together as a family, with spending time at a place that we had never been to before (expect for my parents who went on their honeymoon to Mexico years ago!!) 

Other Updates:

I am incredibly scared and nervous about heading up to Lagoon with my friends, who I really ever get the chance to spend time with at all. Since we all live so far away from each other, it is difficult for either of us to want to do something fun and not feel like it wasn't worth the effort. My life has certainly taken it's share of twists and turns from the experiences that have shaped me, into a much better person than I ever would have expected myself to. I am not particularly sure what to think of this together with my friends and feeling like my heart just simply doesn't want to be there, because in spite of what has taken place-- I am not quite sure how well this will turn out. I just really want it to be a good experience for all of us and when the time comes to head back home, I will be able to not worry about this stuff. 

Early Birthday Shout Out:

Miss Queen Bee,

Happy Birthday to the most legitimate, dedicated, passionate, hard-working, genuine, incredibly talented and self less person I know!!! You are truly such a gem to be around in more ways than someone like me could ever begin to put into words right now. You have really been so much fun getting to know a little bit better these past couple of years as I have gotten to volunteer in (what I know to be the cutest third grade classroom on the planet!!) It was such a joy for me to happily step into your legitimate beehive class and see the bright smiling faces of your students every week, just warmed my heart immensely. Hope you are having the best birthday week ever & getting very much spoiled like a Queen Bee should!!

- Courtney Edgington (Junior Queen Bee)

 

Broken Road

Over these past couple of days this week, I have consistently blogged about an experience that has turned my life completely not in the right direction. I am not particularly certain why this trial of faith had to all of the sudden take place at a time, when things were simply going awesome and I couldn't have like wanted anything more to stress me out than it needed to be. If I can honestly make this brief and less detailed in a way that isn't going to come across like, uncomfortable or let alone something different-but here it is:

When I first met this person several years back, I didn't think anything such as this would happen and destroy our chances of getting back together. They have not been making church a priority in their life whatsoever and when they told me this news, they had not gone in over two months. Obviously, due to their problem with working so late into the evening hours on Saturday that they just don't like waking up to go to church on Sundays anymore. They definitely never took the advice I ever tried to give them to help with anything they were needing advice for seriously enough, that I felt like it was probably not the person they wanted to talk to about their issues. It made me feel as though I had gotten a slap in the face because no matter how hard I tried to make an effort in helping them feel better, they would take out their anger on me and make me feel like I had made the biggest mistake of my life!!! It really crushed me in a way that I didn't necessarily expect or deserve to be treated whatsoever, but at the same time I don't know if I was of much help to them in anyway, shape or form during that period. I honestly didn't know if they felt as though I was making it more difficult for them to deal with or if I was making it worse in some way or another?? I will never get any answers as to why this all happened between us and yet I feel there is probably someone better out there first for me, to get to know and date for as long as possible. We certainly had our struggles with not seeing each other as often as we would've wanted to... but aside from that whole situation, it was incredibly hard not being in a relationship with them anymore. It was obviously the right decision for me to make at the time and wanted nothing more than to take it slow...but for me, I honestly could tell it was a lot more intense than it needed to be like for us. 

I've emotionally struggled with trying to figure out in my mind, "Why did this ever have to all of the sudden need to happen right now? Is there any specific reason whenever I try to make an effort with bearing my testimony of this gospel, that I just simply deserved to get slapped in the face for telling someone what is such a significant part of my life?" It hasn't necessarily been easy for me to talk to somebody about this unexpected turn of events, but they have strengthened me in ways that I cannot even begin to comprehend into words. So much of this experience has worn me down into a mess of wanting to bawl my little eyes out and then thinking it wouldn't feel right to overreact in a situation like this one, but you get the idea here???

I have literally cried myself to asleep on several occasions, just only because I didn't know how else to feel or respond about any of this whatsoever. I honestly felt like no matter what I tried to help the person out with anything, it was brushed off to the side and forgotten about completely the next few days after. I was completely disappointed with having tried as hard as I could to make it worth my time, just doing my best to make the relationship work. My life has been very emotionally draining and difficult for me to find the answers, for what it is I want in a relationship with someone..but not in this way. Other times, I just wished it would all disappear in front of my eyes and then not pretend like it was absolutely nothing to start off with. But I know through the support/love from so many people who have known me their whole lives reach out to me with a hug or a smile to help take the emotional pain away. 

It honestly feels like someone punched me in the stomach so hard & then left me not being able to stand up or walk away from the situation. I have felt so much heartache and frustration for what I'd easily assume was the most happiest thing in my life, but obviously it was never meant to last for a very extended period of time. After having dated this person three times over the course of almost close to a year and a half...somehow things never got any much better. 

I've continued to feel almost perfectly at cease with not being in a relationship with somebody and then having some of the littlest urges to see if it would be a possibility, but it wouldn't ever turn out like this for us. With so many tears falling down onto my cheeks and just simply needing to have a reassurance that there is someone better for me, but it kept going back to this person. I really don't want much more to do with them anymore and wanting more than ever, to just see myself at peace again. 

LONG STORY SHORT--- I had to make the toughest choice of my life a couple of weeks ago, with letting this guy not be my friend just simply because it was so difficult to be one for them. I couldn't even get through a text messaging conversation without being told, they never wanted to hear those kinds of things anymore and left my heart empty with no where to turn. All I have left is just a heart that is completely shattered/broken into millions of tiny pieces on the ground, with nobody wanting to pick any of it up for me. It is simply time for me to look forward with my head up and a smile on my face, without trying to hide what is going on inside of me at this very moment. I will never find myself walking down a hallway with teardrops in my eyes and feeling almost in darkness, with not anywhere to see the light at the end of all this. 

If my Savior, Jesus Christ and Father in Heaven can heal a broken heart, Why is it that I have not been able to give them all the pieces?? My heart will never be with this person again and slowly... there will be a glimpse of hope for me to find someone else who loves me for who I am. All of this has lead me onto a path with Christ holding my hand as gently as possible, as well as him cheering me with a smile on his face to say that I can do this. It will not necessarily be simple or the easiest trial of faith for you to overcome, but he is simply reminding me that I am a daughter of God who loves me more than I could ever begin to explain. 

Hard Week

I've literally about had the toughest week in my life and never want to see myself needing to face a situation like it again!!! I am truly not the kind of person who wouldn't let something brush off my shoulder, without any idea of what to expect after having relearned this life lesson multiple times!! 

I couldn't even begin to put into words, what an absolute emotional toll it has taken for me over these past several months. I have seriously cried myself to asleep a lot of the time, then realizing that I had no apparent reason to shed any tears whatsoever-- but obviously I had nothing better to do. It has just been a difficult process for me to completely understand what someone else is faced with, to never let their actions effect who I am. I have already dealt with this experience more than once within the last year and there is honestly nothing more I can do, other than slowly move on with my life. I am here today to admit wholeheartedly that life continues to never get any easier, but with help from the one who went through it all for us many centuries ago to make it possible for us to be here. There is not much more I'd like to share with all of you about this unhappy time in my life, but I know all of us are not faced with struggles that encourage us to strive a little harder to be like him. 

I seriously became emotionally drained with all of the many feelings with intense fear and frustration without having realized it wasn't the most appropriate way to fix a problem. I just absolutely hated seeing my trust betrayed by people who obviously have nothing better to do with their lives, than make it immensely more difficult for those individuals who don't have the same challenges. I would honestly like to see myself just standing up for what I've always known true friendship to be and for those of you who cannot see past their own problems, I am feeling sorry about your mentality of not looking at life in a more positive way. There are people who came into my life that made me feel like I was a part of their lives, but then with out zero hesitation just randomly wanted to slap me in the face.



It was even a problem that I didn't absolutely mean to put myself in the middle of and I am sorry for not having known at all what their issues with me were in the beginning. I obviously feel so grateful that I do not have problems with my self esteem and figuring out how to be at ease with the things, that I may never know in a billion years ever have to deal with in my lifetime!!! It is honestly difficult for me to post about this experience and yet feeling as much guilt as I have in my heart, nothing I would think to say to the person would make it less or better for them in anyway.

Untitled Post

Miss Amazing Pageant

This is definitely one of the many things, that I would seriously love to see myself participate in and learn to build up my self esteem and confidence in a very supportive environment. I have never really had any interest with doing beauty pageants and wanting to see what the experience would be like for me, but this opportunity is certainly not one that I'm going to pass up. I still need to ask a lot of questions about this event and what needs to be done for me, in order to compete in something a lot bigger than myself.


I am incredibly stoked for the amazing new friendships and experiences that I would get to make at this pageant and even though I don't know too much about it yet, I am up for the challenge!!!! I cannot wait to see what it takes to not only be amazing in this world than I already am, but to inspire and empower others to do the same for themselves. It doesn't even necessarily matter what your struggles in life are because you can make a difference in this world, through your actions and the example you can be to so many people. 

New Interest

To make this a long story short, there is a slightly new interest in my life that I've been talk with on Facebook off and on... but it's hard to know when you never see the person as much as you would like to. It's difficult for me to be in a relationship with someone whose a long distance away from where you live and there isn't a lot of chances to spend quality time together. I'd definitely want to have that relationship with someone special in my life, when it is the right time for me and wanting this to work out as best as possible.



We have only talked with each other a little bit and not enough for either of us to feel comfortable in wanting to continue on in this friendship. He is also the close friend of the kid that I actually dated for about a year and a half...but never expected this to happen for me whatsoever. I am not particularly sure what else to say about this and only just taking it one step at a time every single moment that comes into my path. 

Self Advocacy Advisory Committee 2018

The Utah Developmental Disabilities Council has decided to start up this committee for individuals like myself, who simply want to give their input and ideas about the projects/activities that will be coming up in the future. They talk over the phone or meet in person about four to six times a year.. with getting to plan one of the conferences that we get to participate in September. We have got to decide on where we would like to have this held and honestly for me, it was interesting that I ended up being the only one from my independent living center who wanted to participate in this activity with these other people. It was such a wonderful treat for me to be a part of something bigger than myself and making some new friendships with everyone who were there, I will truly never forget-- believe it or not!!!