Writer's Block

I have really struggled this week with keeping my blog updated & sharing my thoughts on what is most important in my life right now. It's been such a stumbling block for me this year as I've had to deal with so many things that I didn't want to see myself faced with again. I can honestly admit this trial of my faith has only made me a stronger and more confident person in the world, than I would have ever imagined myself to be. I cannot even put into words what an absolute emotional and yet unforgettable couple of months where I've had to reflect on the things that I would never want give up at any given moment. There were certainly moments when I had to focus on the Savior's hand through everything that was happening around me and not losing sight of what he could do to help strengthen my testimony of him. Through all of these experiences this year, I've wanted so much more than anything in the world to be like him in everything that I do to live up to his standards & never take it for granted.


He's definitely played a significant role in my life throughout this year w/ everything that made me feel like I was literally at my breaking point with some of the challenges that were in my path. I'm truly grateful for his direction and the advice he's given me to look past what could've easily been one of the most heart wrenching times in my life, because of him I was able to fully understand everything in life happens for a reason. I am grateful for his wisdom and patience with me as I've had to endure so many things that I didn't want to handle at the time, but with him holding onto my hand through this entire process-- I would literally kneel down in such gratitude for all that he did to help me get to where I am today. He has made me feel at peace with myself in knowing there is someone else better out there first for me, to not only make me feel like the happiest girl on the planet but who also loves the gospel more than anything else!!! I am hopeful as time goes by in the next couple of years, that I will find that person who belongs in my life for the rest of eternity when I'm ready for it. 

I'm really sorry for not letting this part of my life get away from me and consistently sharing it with you all, but this has been one of the most difficult things that has ever happened in my life. I've not ever dealt with heartbreak like this before until this last year and so much has reminded me of what this life is really about. We are meant to go through a lot of hard times to help us become a little bit stronger and less fearful about what could happen later on down the road for us. I am not saying it's been easy or the happiest time in my life, but it has shown me that I do not need a young man who's going to hurt my feelings and leave me heart broken without any need of repair. There is somebody else out there who will love me unconditionally, treat me with kindness and consider me to the only person who he wants to spend time getting to know a little bit better everyday for as long as possible, if not more. 

Continued

This new school year has already just begun and I am incredibly excited for the many unexpected adventures that I'll have with my students later on. It is honestly difficult for me to not feel a little anxious with wanting to return back so quickly, but at the same time I need to be considerate of the teachers who need a lot of time getting the year off on a positive note. Same thing happened to me last year and of course I had a very logical reason for why I was not able to show up earlier, but I'd much rather have a good experience with the teachers I will be helping out. Don't get me wrong, I'm not worrying too much about this new school year in the sense that there is only so little I can do for people right now. Hey... It only gives me a much longer summer vacation than most people who are already back into school and wish they could just take it easy. Believe me, I do appreciate getting to sleep in every morning for a little bit and then putting myself together, before heading out someplace to do something. I can always have something to do with my free time, like running to do errands w/ my mom and twin sister, taking our dog out for walks when it is cool enough to be outside, reading a book, blogging about my life's experiences, signing up for Institute (which I will talk about a little bit later if it ever happens), etc.


My official duties will not be happening any time soon, till probably near the end of September or the first of October...but I am definitely willing to be patient for as long as it is needed. I know this isn't necessarily the funnest blog post in the world to be reading through, cause not too much is really going on in my life that I can share with you all. I really have experienced a lot this summer and wished things would have been a little less difficult for me, but you know... It is not the end of this world. I will also get to spend some quality time my friends tomorrow afternoon, when we go to the BYU Creamery to have an ice cream cone and visit with each other. It is very rare for us to get ourselves together when there is so much going on with school, family life, and everything else in between to make something like this fit into our schedules. We never have a dull moment together and if you know us well, that is not too much of a surprise..but you know what I mean?? This month not too much has really happened expect for getting to have my older sister and niece here with us, & honestly it is kind of hard figuring out this auntie stuff because I am not an expert at it. I am not really someone who fell into this situation very easily and still have so much to learn, that at times will just push my buttons but I have to be careful.


I am also very much thrilled for the opportunity of getting the chance to plan a self advocacy conference in the spring of next year, and out of all places I could have seen it held...The number one choice was right here in my own backyard in Provo. Luckily, I'll be close enough to home that if anything happens--I can make it work without any problems. It does seem a little strange to have a conference right here at home, but I do think if it all works out alright-- things will fall into place a lot better. I am also excited to hopefully get to do some shopping for back to school clothes and have some new outfits, that I can mix and match with other things!!! I really do like being able to try out new things and make myself as professional as possible, whenever I need to be somewhere. This quote right on the top of my blog post here is one that I think we all need to get reminded of once in awhile, because if we seriously want to be successful in life-- We can't just take the elevator to think it will turn out fine. Sometimes, We need to take those stairs that may seem like forever till we reach the top, but I do know it is so worth every step of the way when reaching each of our personal goals. I am determined to make this new school year not only fun experience for me, but a very successful one for those kids who I might be seeing myself working alongside with. It's not for some time till I get back over there to do whatever I can to help out in any capacity, but I do want this school year to be an unforgettable experience for all of us!!!! 

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This summer has definitely been one of the most unforgettable and hardest times in my life. I cannot even begin to tell you how emotionally draining it has for me, to just look past all of the mixed and confused emotions I've had inside my heart these past couple of months. I am trying not convey or make a fool of myself about all of this here, I just want to admit that life has taught me a lot of hard lessons that I never expected. It has literally put my faith to the test on more than one occasion and little did I ever think of what could happen next after an experience like this... But I am grateful for the advice that I was able to get from a friend who simply put it this way: 1) Continue to be a good friend and influence the person needed in life. And if they chose to move out of Utah, then I would still want to be that way for them in anyway possible, but also to remember that if I made a decision to let this person go, because at the time it was excruciatingly hard for me to be their friend. And let me tell you the truth here too: Sometimes, letting go is what is best for you and it was perfectly fine for me to care about them and want the best for them, but to never forget about taking care of myself first. I knew in this very moment that I needed to focus a little more on me and not the person whose shattered my heart into a million pieces all over the ground. It was extremely hard for me to be with them when I seriously don't want anything more to do in making the relationship continue on for the next several months. To make this long story short, I am still at one time or another emotionally just struggling with how I could ever find someone else to walk into my life but I can only hope for the best with them. 

Special Needs Ballroom - #BYUSummerDanceSportChallenge

I have been participating in this one ballroom dance competition for the last nine years and cannot even wait for the opportunity to be a part of it this weekend. I am incredibly stoked for all of those many people who have helped us practice really hard every single week and make this an amazing experience for all of us involved. It has truly been one of the most highlighted moments in my life, this summer because there is nothing more fun in this world than getting to show off all of my hard work that we have put into making our dances look nice. I am probably rambling on too much here about all of this, but I am excited for the privilege to let those audience members know that dancing isn't only just for those who are perceived as normal. It is simply for everyone and I cannot wait for another chance to show what it is that I've got in me to pull this off. If you would like to come watch me compete this weekend, I will most likely not post any information on here and put videos on my Instagram account. Please be sure to check those out if you ever get a chance and despite all of the nerves that I have in me right now, it will definitely be worth it in the end. 

Free Write

I'm sorry for the delay in not updating my blog this week more than I usually do... but with all that has gone on in my life this year, it made wanting to write up anything difficult for me. I am grateful for the chance to share some of my thoughts and experiences about what did happen over the course of this past week.

One of the many events that my family participated in this week, was the incredible annual Temple To Temple 5K walk and run. It definitely reminds you of what those early saints went through for all of us, so we could have the true gospel of Jesus Christ on the earth today. I am grateful to have only walked a little over two miles for those who came before me and were courageous to make the journey, even though they knew it was not going to be an easy trip into the Salt Lake Valley. I know this event has taken place every single pioneer day on the 24th and as we were walking from one temple to the next, I was in such complete awe over the fact that so many others before walked or traveled miles to get to the temple or let alone somewhere they could live the gospel in peace. 



I absolutely love this gospel so much and feel very blessed to be a part of such a worldwide church that continually wants to bring people back into the fold. I know it is through our Savior, Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father that no trial of our faith is never close to impossible as long as we look to him for help in every situation. It was such a wonderful reminder to me that even if I didn't have to cross the plains in those days when the pioneers made their journey west, this little fun run was only just a glimpse into what they did for each of us.



I have participated in two youth treks that were both incredibly hard & not so much fun at times, but it gives you a reminder everyday of your life that as long as we can focus on the Savior...We will make it through anything. Treks are really meant to be difficult things and if you think about what those early saints went through in life back then, it makes me appreciate that we have modern medicine to help with so many things. Being a part of this fun run was definitely an eye opening experience for me to learn and understand that in spite of my challenges in life, there is not anything I cannot accomplish or overcome. This was certainly one of the most amazing fun runs ever and felt so incredibly grateful to have been a part of it in some way. So many times I would have easily just wanted to stop walking in this event and take a little rest, but I needed to finish it in order to feel like no matter what happens we can be proud of ourselves for making the journey. 

Birthday Weekend

2018 Birthday Highlights:

 Got to spend time with family who came in from out of town, to be here with us and celebrate our special day!!! I absolutely loved the necklaces they gave me and my twin sister, which I cannot wait to get more use out of as the rest of the year goes on!! 

 Received a lot of sweet birthday wishes from dear friends and family all over social media, which I am so sorry if I didn't get around to replying back to all of them!! Thank you all so much for being a part of my life and always putting a smile on my face, whenever I need it at any moment. Love you all so much and cannot wait to see what this year has in store for me!!!

 Had two of the sweetest little friends of mine come over and surprise me with new posters, that I currently have stuck to my bulletin board in my bedroom. It truly meant so much to me having them not only wish me a Happy Birthday, but to make me feel so loved was indescribable. I really love all of them so much and super anxious to hopefully get a display of them up at some point in time. I am so grateful for their unconditional love and kindness to me, in more ways than I could ever put into words right now. 

Loved all of the thoughtful gifts that friends either came over to give us in person and visit, or just to stop by to tell us Happy Birthday!!! It was so much fun answering the door to friends who I have either known my entire life or just getting to know, honestly made the entire day so much fun!!! We had such a great day filled with lots of hugs and smiles all across the board. 

 Unexpected Happiest Birthday Surprise, Ever!!! 

After what had been the last all of my birthday presents, I noticed there was a brown gift bag sitting smack dab on the counter... but didn't necessarily know what was inside or if it was even for me. I honestly felt like until my parents kept urging me to open it up and found out, somehow in the back of my mind I was not particularly sure where it had come from. It took a little bit of time, to figure out what it could have been inside this brown gift bag-- but when I quickly opened it up and found this clear plastic bag that looked like it had a lot of things inside.



I noticed all of the cute decoration that was all over it and seriously still didn't know who it had come from whatsoever. Once I had just seen the card with my name on the front of it and immediately recognized the handwriting--I could not have been more completely surprised by what was coming next.




I quickly saw there was a small gift inside with a super cute hot pink ribbon around what looked like two bracelets together. Both of them had the most amazing little charms linked to each one, with a queen tiara type charm & second one had a little circle charm titled: "Path of life. It was incredibly beautiful and then I closely looked as to where the charms had come from, the small little tag on both said: Nordstrom Rack!!! I couldn't even believe how fancy they looked and couldn't wait any longer to put them on my wrist. As I read through the rest of the card, it didn't take me too much longer to see who had given me the present & quickly just got excited from head to toe with the biggest smile on my face!!! It was incredibly sneaky of them to have handed it over and not said a word to me about it. Somehow in the back of my mind, I must have seen them hand my dad something and just probably thought it wasn't much of anything too special.



 But as it turned out to be, it was the most unexpected happiest birthday surprise ever and I literally was just squealing with excitement about what had just happened!! It was very sweet of them to think of me on my birthday and both of these ladies have impacted my life, in so many different ways and I feel so blessed to know what extraordinary people they are. They are such amazing examples to me of what it means to be strong in spite of difficult times and honestly have inspired me to see the good in not only myself, but other people as well. I just absolutely love the charm bracelets they gave me and they are just the cutest pieces of jewelry that I have ever seen in my life!!! Thank you so much to my favorite blonde and her remarkable brunette friend, for seriously taking the time to make my twenty sixth birthday one for the books!!! 

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It was literally not even kidding the longest day of my life, yesterday as I spent all of my time up at Lagoon Park and couldn't even remember when the last time I was there. It certainly felt kind of good to have made the effort of going there myself, but seriously wished I hadn't for many reasons. I really felt completely nervous and emotional about spending time with people who rarely ever speak a word to me anymore and just not being able to say things that could help them out. It has not been the most happiest time in my life having been through so many difficult emotions and heartache, about some of the toughest decisions that I ended up making. It was honestly the most not so fun experience like I had originally anticipated it would be like and at times, part of me just literally wanted to go home and not deal with this situation anymore. I didn't really want to be up at Lagoon under these shattered yet  broken circumstances and only would have wished that I didn't make the trip in the first place. It did feel like everything was just one error after the next, which to me didn't make the experience any less or much better in anyway, shape, or form. To make this long story short, I really hope there is at least something to take away from this experience and move forward with a positive attitude in hopes that I can find someone who will understand me for who I am, in spite of how their past challenges really effected them. I will most likely never want to do this again for a second time, because I did not want to see the person who not only left me with a shattered heart but not knowing where to go forward w/ what happens next in my life. 

Other Updates:

Cannot wait to get a new iPhone for my birthday... because my old one keeps having issues with not being able to work like it should & quite frankly, I am ready for something that does not have ANY unexpected shut downs all the time. 

Happy Birthday to the sweetest, legitimate, passionate, genuine, amazing, dedicated, hardworking, self less Queen Bee on this planet!! I am so grateful for her example to me in how to see the positive things in every situation and always brings a smile to the faces of everyone around you. Thank you so much for everything that you do to make me a better person in this world. Hope you had an amazing birthday with friends and family!!! You totally rock, don't ever change!! 

A new update coming in two weeks from today and I cannot wait to share it with all of you!! Please stay tuned for an exciting post to read & I truly hope you guys will enjoy reading it as much as I will writing it up for you!!!

Vacation Highlights

I have tried to post some of the highlights we had on our week vacation to Mexico on here, but have not felt like it was completely necessary to do... when I had shared pictures on my Facebook account during that time. It was definitely a wonderful trip filled with some adventures that included a chance to snorkel in the ocean, which I will admit was not at all one of my most favorite things to do... but I certainly gave it a shot even though it was difficult for me. I was able to see a lot of the beauties that Mexico has with their scenery and getting to hike up to a little waterfall, which was not much of any thing too special because that country is in their rainy season-- so it was hard to even want to soak yourself in the water. We were also given the opportunity to spend a lot of time at our legit beach resort that had so many different places to eat, stores that we could shop in and get whatever we needed for the week, etc. I absolutely loved spending time with my older sister and her husband, along with my little three month old niece Skye who invited us to join them on this trip. It really made me feel happy to get to know her a little bit better and cannot wait to watch her grow up into the most fun-loving young lady on this earth. It was extremely humid and hot in Mexico, which I'm sure is not too uncommon for the people who live there-- but to me I definitely tried my hardest not to ever complain about it because if I did-there was not much anyone could do. I wished it had been slightly overcast a little bit while we stayed there, but at the same time-- having a hotel that was very air conditioned nicely made it not so miserable. I really liked being able to get away for a week and relax almost everyday from the stress of life, because I needed it more than anything else for many different reasons. I am so grateful for the memories and laughs that we shared together as a family, with spending time at a place that we had never been to before (expect for my parents who went on their honeymoon to Mexico years ago!!) 

Other Updates:

I am incredibly scared and nervous about heading up to Lagoon with my friends, who I really ever get the chance to spend time with at all. Since we all live so far away from each other, it is difficult for either of us to want to do something fun and not feel like it wasn't worth the effort. My life has certainly taken it's share of twists and turns from the experiences that have shaped me, into a much better person than I ever would have expected myself to. I am not particularly sure what to think of this together with my friends and feeling like my heart just simply doesn't want to be there, because in spite of what has taken place-- I am not quite sure how well this will turn out. I just really want it to be a good experience for all of us and when the time comes to head back home, I will be able to not worry about this stuff. 

Early Birthday Shout Out:

Miss Queen Bee,

Happy Birthday to the most legitimate, dedicated, passionate, hard-working, genuine, incredibly talented and self less person I know!!! You are truly such a gem to be around in more ways than someone like me could ever begin to put into words right now. You have really been so much fun getting to know a little bit better these past couple of years as I have gotten to volunteer in (what I know to be the cutest third grade classroom on the planet!!) It was such a joy for me to happily step into your legitimate beehive class and see the bright smiling faces of your students every week, just warmed my heart immensely. Hope you are having the best birthday week ever & getting very much spoiled like a Queen Bee should!!

- Courtney Edgington (Junior Queen Bee)