It's seriously been a difficult year for me in more ways than I could ever put into words right now, in this little blog post. I am completely and emotionally unstable to not feel completely shattered inside and outside with everything that has happened to me within these last two days, which I was not anticipating to turn out as great & successful as I would have expected.
I literally did whatever it took to not get emotional in front of people while being at this training and yet the tears immediately came to my eyes. It was also right when one of our staff members noticed me with red eyes and tears coming down my cheeks, that it would be next to impossible to not feel extremely hurt or upset let alone frustrated with what had occurred.
Aside from both of the meetings/workshops we had going on at this event, I was definitely able to learn some new stuff about how independent living centers are run and what is expected of those in charge. At the same time, I felt really discouraged with having to consistently listen to somebody mention someone who was such a part of my life for a long time and never stopped making me want to just yell at them to get this person to knock it off, but as for the person that I am in this world I ended up luckily I kept my mouth shut through most of it. It was extremely hard for me at various times during these two days, where I didn't want to not walk away from everything and just be at home. I never wanted to see this take place and make me feel like it wasn't that much of a big deal, but it only just led me into knowing that the person's true colors were beginning to show.
I literally did whatever it took to not get emotional in front of people while being at this training and yet the tears immediately came to my eyes. It was also right when one of our staff members noticed me with red eyes and tears coming down my cheeks, that it would be next to impossible to not feel extremely hurt or upset let alone frustrated with what had occurred.
Aside from both of the meetings/workshops we had going on at this event, I was definitely able to learn some new stuff about how independent living centers are run and what is expected of those in charge. At the same time, I felt really discouraged with having to consistently listen to somebody mention someone who was such a part of my life for a long time and never stopped making me want to just yell at them to get this person to knock it off, but as for the person that I am in this world I ended up luckily I kept my mouth shut through most of it. It was extremely hard for me at various times during these two days, where I didn't want to not walk away from everything and just be at home. I never wanted to see this take place and make me feel like it wasn't that much of a big deal, but it only just led me into knowing that the person's true colors were beginning to show.
I never wanted things for me at this event to turn out like they did... But unfortunately all of us need to learn lessons the hard way in life more than once. To also simply realize what it is trying to help me understand, when I did not want anything more to do with this and move forward on with other things instead. I really quite emotionally struggled with having to see someone that I really quite liked for a long period of time and then all of the sudden, things completely turn upside down when I was not prepared for it.
Shortly after I returned home from this training, I immediately told one of our main staff members who was there in attendance at this day and a half training, about my situation and that this is gonna most likely get put to an complete end to what I had to go through this past week. I am looking forward to some of the changes that will happen from having self advocated for myself. I still have some little feelings left for the person who I literally want absolutely nothing to do with anymore and wonder if it's ever going to heal up over time or if it will take me an entire year and a half to move forward??
I'm really wanting this to all get in the past as soon as possible and let me find someone new whose just gonna treat me a lot better than I truly deserved times before this. I will not continue to be friends with someone who will make me feel less of myself than I really am and as a self advocate, it is not gonna continue on from here on out much longer... but if you must know I cannot handle stressful confrontations with people too well. I know it will never get much easier with any new person that walks into my life and wants to take things slow before thinking about getting serious. I am not ever going to feel as ready for a new chapter in life until this one closes and I can instantly start over with things that will make me feel more at peace with what I know my Heavenly Father wants me to be aware of. Here is a little quote that I hope can give someone out there a peace of mind, especially if they are going thru a heartbreak they never saw coming into their path at this time. I know there is someone else better in this world for me to get to know and take my time being around, so that when the timing is right (not only for him but for the both of us to start a new journey together... Everything from this will fall into place and be put back together again!!!)
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