Free Write

 ALPS Presentation (September 23rd)

I'm excited for the opportunity to present once again to this group of people, who are going to learn so much in a very short period of time. I have never actually participated in this training, due to the fact I have a little too much going on and don't want my brain to be fried. I cannot wait to do this presentation with one of my colleagues that happily agreed to help me out and look forward to bringing awareness to the very important topic of who individuals with disabilities are. 

Speakers Network Training (Fall 2023)

Until I receive more details about this, I am genuinely thrilled to have an opportunity to refresh my brain on the presentations that my speakers network does and needs a little more focus on. I could not be more ready for this chance to learn some new things and maintain a perspective of what it means to be an even better self advocate, speaker, etc. I am especially grateful to have friends that are passionate about getting that message of hope into our communities and doing all we can to make an impact on this society. I can't wait to tell you more about this training and hopefully share a lot of unforgettable moments from it as this winds closer. 

USILC Icebreaker Questioner?? (Unofficial News)

LONG STORY SHORT---I ended up being randomly selected to ask these "GTKU" questions for our council meetings and can only hope to make a good impression. I am obviously in for a treat which if you ask me is nothing short of an understatement and can hardly wait to see what creative answers all of our council members will come up with. I obviously have no idea why this mini tradition ended up being pushed aside without notice, but I am more than prepared to do whatever it takes to make sure this never dies itself out. 

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Waiting Place

"Little by little, He frees me. Moment by moment, releasing, my grip, my stubborn need to be in control, of everything. Over and over, He leads me, back to the one place that carries--- the grace that was waiting all along, waiting in, in the waiting place." - Hilary Weeks

SIX MONTHS LATER---I continue to find myself being stuck in the waiting place and not an obvious way to escape if I wanted to make the effort to do so. I legitimately made a mistake that no one in their lifetime should ever have to encounter or let alone deal with in a way that has at times felt next to impossible in more ways than I can comprehend. I did realize for the first time in months that I was not getting out of this spot any time soon and knowing what my new reality is must have been a lot harder for me to clearly see than it was for the colleague who purposefully allowed me to wake up shaken in the middle of the night. I may never understand in a million years why this had to happen to me and not feeling like it was completely planned to get me to where I am today. 


As a self advocate in the disability community, I have been told from people that all of the big things I have done make a difference for those around me and I am eternally grateful to know that is what I have achieved in my ten plus years in this environment. I have continuously sat in my waiting place anxiously hoping that my punishment will be over with soon and yet I know the rest of eternity this will be my life until I show up in the next life. I would never consider myself being a perfect colleague and feeling slightly out of place with all that I applied to participate in. I legitimately hate waiting every day for six months or if not longer to reconnect with someone that I wanted to be like when I grew up. Now that is not the case as I have made the effort with relearning from this experience and I am not the least bit proud of what happened in moments with uncertainty being a free for all on the table. I am never gonna be the perfect colleague who serves their whole heart with---knowing they have given it their best despite what took place six months earlier. At this very moment, I didn't want to necessarily feel obligated or numb to write this up today and yet here I am hoping that one person takes the time to read through my post. It has been a difficult journey filled with tears being shed, confusion about what could happen next in my life and not having any idea of how much it would affect me on a deeper level. I have struggled with maintaining healthy relationships with people who all they want to do is help me and I emotionally pushed them away because I knew a lot better than they did at the time. I'm also nervous about if my service on the council has been worthwhile and giving me a chance to grow into who I can be so much rather than who I could not ever become. 

The seconds pass relentlessly on as things in my life continue being stuck where they are and somehow that is a punishment I legitimately deserved to have. I am not writing up about this here to repeat every little trial that has ever taken place in my life, but to understand better who I never want to find myself being in all over again. It has never been easy for me to deeply take in what someone tells me in a very direct way and not realizing how much of a mark it left behind. I am doing all in my power to regain a trust from a colleague who may never for the rest of their life speak to me again, which as much as I'm significantly hurt by their words--I am not going to let it overtake who I am as a person. My deepened stubborn grip on controlling every aspect of my colleagues leadership role was painful and not exactly how a board member should behave. 

As you can imagine, this twisted turn in my life has been nothing short of an easy mistake to learn from and yet there are only more doors waiting to be opened up for me. I may never understand in a million years why I purposefully saw myself in a position that could have been avoided at all costs & not ever knowing what could happen down the road. I have grown so much more than I could have anticipated myself to during this time in life when I felt as if I was handling this on my own. My heavenly father knows how painfully difficult this journey has been for me and yet I am grateful for knowing he hasn't ever left my side for a second has been a dream. He has strengthened me through prayers that I've had to offer at night time and feeling his unconditional love every step of the way has given me a lot more hope than I could have asked for. 

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YSA Concert (Mini Summary)

EARLIER THIS MONTH---My twin sister and I along with our best friend Danielle attended this event that was originally going to take place at BYU Stadium, but ended up getting switched over to the Delta Center in Salt Lake. I wasn't necessarily familiar with a lot of the songs that were performed by the head line singers, but one of them was a well known primary song. I was deeply touched with being reminded of how to be like my Savior, Jesus Christ and feeling the spirit in that arena is an experience I will cherish forever. I am not sure if this singer is a member of our faith, but it was so beautiful to hear him sing about trying to be like Jesus and being together with him. 

Book Worm (Summer 2023)

I have done quite a bit of reading this summer, which if you ask me has been such an enjoyable thing for me in handling my mental health a lot better. I have learned so many things about myself from all of the many books that I have taken time out of my day to read. I have liked getting to visualize places that are very picturesque in every way and learning what goes on in those made up kingdoms. Each of them have different ways of ruling their countries and keeping where they live as protected from danger as they can, unless something out of the ordinary happens. I am currently reading book number 13 which I am most of the way through it--which I hope to have finished by the end of this week.