Essentials

EARLIER TODAY--- I heard one of the most inspiring messages about self advocacy and didn't ever think it was gonna strike such a chord with me. I truly loved how confident and poised the speaker was-- during their entire presentation (especially since it was being recorded online to two hundred self advocates with disabilities-- just literally amazed me in more ways than I can explain.) It was definitely something that I needed to really hear not only because I have done self advocacy work for three years, but realizing I can easily do so much more to get my voice out there. It legitimately brought tears to my eyes as I focused on what the presenter was sharing with all of us and feeling such an unconditional love for who every single one of those self advocates are!!! 

LONG STORY SHORT--- This legislative training was definitely one of the hardest at times for me, only because I missed being around my friends so much. I genuinely wanted so much to see their smiling faces and feeling of their contagious energy felt a hole in my heart--but knowing they were all quietly listening to the messages being shared was definitely a reminder to me, that I want to continue being an even more better self advocate than I am right now!!! 

Future Self Advocate:

I definitely want to continue making an impact on this world in some way... but I also want to leave a very deep imprint on the hearts of people with disabilities. I also want to do the same for every single staff person that I have worked with and have gotten me to where I am today. I may not be an expert with a lot of things in my life (let alone in regards with the legislative process) but I do appreciate the chances that I can get to learn things when those opportunities come up. 

Mini Events

 Night To Shine 2021

Due to the ongoing health epidemic, this event will be taking place at my best friend Danielle's home and looking forward to spending the night with my friends!!! I am not necessarily certain what they will have in store for us-- but I am confident it will be a night to remember if not one to be talked about non stop for the rest of this year!!! This is still very much in the works and cannot wait to see all unfold within the next week or so... but I am excited to celebrate an event where God's love assures me of who I am. 

Presentation (Tomorrow Afternoon)

I am definitely nervous and thrilled to be presenting on developmental disabilities to a group of people who continuously keep us safe on a regular basis. I am grateful to be doing this alongside two friends-- that I know are gonna do an incredible job making sure our message is clearly shared across to everyone who will be on our Zoom call. It is truly such an absolute privilege getting to do stuff like this and make one of the most amazing impacts ever, but who knows??! Stay tuned for updates to come... if I ever think of anything that I want to share with people. 

Special Announcement (Unofficial News)

I'm not necessarily gonna mention what this is exactly for the time being and hope to get a clarification for it tomorrow!!! I am certain there will be more to share down this road and cannot wait to convey all of my excitement about this once I have the green light to spread the word. I am grateful for the chance this will give me to stretch myself in ways that I never imagined could have been possible and just can only hope for the best to come!!! 

Official News

"I don't say much... but I listen a lot." (Pinterest) 

USILC:

When I stepped into this non profit organization six years ago---I didn't even know how much of my life was gonna be changed forever!! Originally, it was gonna end up being my back up plan if things with the other governor appointed council didn't work out for me and luckily I asked about doing both of them. I certainly went into this application process with no intentions of making it onto the council because I had no idea what it was they were looking for in their applicants...but hey I gave it my entire one hundred twenty percent. I was completely nervous and unsure about the barriers that I would put in front of myself the entire time I participated on the first ever council meeting and not realizing that my life would never be the same again. I really did love seeing people on the call who have impacted me into helping me to become the self advocate, leader, mentor, friend and person that I can only imagine will give me reasons to strive a little harder each month or every few years. I have a very treacherous long three years for me to handle things that I have little to no knowledge about whatsoever and yet there are so many people who are gonna encourage me along the way to make sure I am not making any kind of mistakes or trying extra hard to be a perfectionist. I am hopeful after the epidemic gets all the way behind us, We can begin to meet up with each other in person and not have to keep our so called 6 feet distances from everybody anymore!!! 

Unfathomable Insecurities: 

I am so grateful for the opportunity that I had six years ago of walking into this non profit organization with not knowing if I would even qualify for what they wanted in an applicant for the council. I didn't ever think it was gonna be an easy process realizing that I had to act a little more professional than any one knows me to be like sometimes. Spending endless hours on a computer screen is not my ideal with having fun which if you ask me is getting pretty old as fast as I am ready for it to be finished. 

Membership Certificate:

I'm an official member of this incredible council and quite frankly I know there is so much more for me to keep learning along the way. It is extremely difficult for me to not pretend like I deserved this honor- when my life is already turned upside down--but I am hopeful that things can improve over time. With trying to get to this point has been such an emotional rollercoaster for me, and I could not more than an absolute proud self advocate who has a very legitimate group of people who want me to do just nothing more than their best. 

Conclusion:

This experience is only just the beginning of what is to come down my life's path. I am not certain if there will ever be a chance for me to get my message across without being sure that I can handle truly anything. I am not necessarily a person who does not take what they do close to heart--but I am really nervous about whether or not I can be as professional as other people would suggest I need to be along my new leadership journey. There is so much more for me to keep learning and taking away from every single meeting that I participate on with people who are ten times more experienced I ever could be in my lifetime when it comes down to anything related back to disability issues in our state. #JustSaying :)

Self Care

It has been a consistent struggle for me to reach a point where I needed to refocus on myself a little bit more than I ever have. I know there is such a treacherous long road for all of us to walk down before we can finally take a breath of fresh air and see what the future holds. It used to be extremely painful for me with reading social media stories about keeping my mental health in tact-- but I can honestly say it never made me feel better about where I needed to be. It always left me with feelings of unfathomable regrets-- in not knowing if those were even for a person like myself, who basically knows little to none about just trying to keep their emotions from not being visibly seen. I can only keep doing my absolute best and if anything comes into my path throughout this new year... It cannot make me feel anymore or less of what the person I want to be down the road. 

Miniature Breaks:

I have taken a lot of time to really ponder on the important things in my life and not worrying about other people think. After the emotional roller coaster that we are still on-- I am hopeful everything can become some kind of lesson that I need to keep learning and pushing myself through. I have certainly noticed just slightly differences in knowing it does not clearly matter what strategies or ways, that can make my life a lot easier to deal with. 

More Boundaries:

This has been one of the absolute hardest things for me about trying to maintain healthy boundaries with people throughout my life. It has never gotten much easier as this COVID stuff proudly keeps trying to do whatever it can possible to keep me six feet away from those I genuinely love and care about more than anything. It continuously kills me inside more than anybody knows about the real painful struggle I am having within myself to act like it has not that much of a problem. I am really grateful for the patience of my truest friends who make me feel worth of overcoming anything and trying to keep me in a good place!!! 

Personal Goals

Here are some of the main goals that I'd like to focus on throughout this new year in 2021, Plz check them out here below!!! I can only hope for the best in whatever happens and see if there is anything out there in this world for me to accomplish down the road. I apologize for not just being a little bit slow when it came to blogging about all of this...but I hope to do better in the distant future.

Self Care/Awareness:

Unless I can easily get this off my mind in the last several hours--- I am not gonna have any much luck with trying to pretend like this is not anything important. I also need to work on keeping my emotional sides in a decent place without getting out of control and making an effort to do a self check with own legitimate self everyday. I am hopeful trying to rekindle this goal of mine in the distant future will be a very successful one for me and not assuming it sounds like a good idea, without following through any thing to feel like I accomplished something. 

Dance It Out

This has always been one of the most reliving things for me as I dance my little heart out, with no one there to watch in the audience. I have always loved being able to express how my feelings are through movement without having to use any kind of words whatsoever, but if you must know--- I have danced when people have noticed me and I never speak a word to them about it. I'm always curious to know if they can even fathom that a person like me can dance like they do when nobody is paying attention. It's such an absolute escape for me to be somewhere else for awhile and not worry about the struggles that continuously lie themselves in front of me!!! 

Untitled Post

 Legislative Training (Virtual Event)

I have legitimately tried to avoid writing up about this event and because it is once again something that has become a virtual thing is another story. I am grateful for the chance to listen and observe on what the legislative process is like and trying to keep my mouth quiet on just about everything I have no idea with what to explain. I usually look forward to being around my friends and getting an opportunity to catch up on life with each other and thanks to the exhausting restrictions of the epidemic, I am not sure when it can ever happen in person after this next year. I will be more than relieved to step away from this event if I do feel inclined to take a little bit of a break with how treacherously long it can be to stare at a computer for the next four hours!!! I am hopeful that it will allow me to have a chance with refocusing on myself just some more without any reason to believe I am not gonna be able to handle it.

NINJA Alumni Calls (Zoom)

These have been one of the hardest and most unforgettable things ever throughout this past year in 2020 as well into right now. I definitely struggled with my anxiety and emotions in trying to keep it together when all of my friends know how unfathomably hard 2020 was for me since the epidemic started. I know it isn't necessarily what I had in mind to keep in touch with them at first-- but I do know it has given me such an absolute escape to laugh whenever I need to and not worry about things for a period of time. I am grateful for the chance I have gotten to see my all time favorite people and bunny Curtis who I still have not gotten any opportunity of meeting in person yet--but only time can tell when that is ever gonna happen. I truly do hope that I can figure out some way to keep myself together whenever I am on any of these calls-- but this will take some a little bit of extra time. 

Active Re-Entry (Zoom Activities)

These have definitely been such a highlight for me as I enter into the new year and look forward to just being friends with so many other self advocates in our state. I have really liked getting to learn as well as be inspired by them whenever we have zoom classes or activities together. I really liked watching a few legitimate movies throughout the year in 2020 and getting to feel like I was on cloud nine is such an absolute dream come true!!! I am so looking forward to the new activities and things I'll learn from each of them as we continue to see the light at the end of this tunnel. 

(End Of Part Two)