Idaho Reunion

LAST WEEK--- My family and I drove up to Idaho for the annual Edgington family reunion. It was such a treat for me to spend quality time with relatives as well as reconnect with each other. I especially loved spending an entire day at the cabin which is located in one of my favorite places ever--Tetonia, Idaho. It's one of those places where I can feel at peace with everything in life and not worry about what needs to be done!!! My dad's mom loved collecting wild flowers nearby the cabin and just enjoying the simplicity of nature all around--which to me is something I hold close to my heart. I especially having an escape where we are not only able to spend time with each other as a family, but getting to create so many memories I'll know will last forever (let alone into the eternities). 

We also got to spend the 24th of July holiday in the small town where my dad grew up. There were so many people who lined up the streets to watch this parade make it's way along the trail and if you must know all of us got way more candy than we could ever have. It was such a great event filled with a lot of smiles and laughs to share, especially seeing my niece and nephew get excited for things in the parade--- was really fun to watch!!! 

Minus everything else I could share about this, it felt incredibly good to travel somewhere else and just get away from the craziness in our world. One of the many things that I learned from my grandpa is that Idaho is simply like a little piece of heaven and there is absolutely no question about it. I am so grateful for their legacy of love that they left behind for all of us to share with others and knowing that they will forever be in our hearts is pretty special. 

Unofficial News (Life Updates)

I could seriously not be more nervous about this thirty minute meeting that I have tomorrow afternoon over google meet. I am definitely not as educated or informed about stuff as I should be and if you must know--- I am really hoping to make a good impression. I do not know as much about the waiting list as you would think (which I will admit is a little bit more complicated than I would have liked it to be, but all I can do is my best and hope for a good outcome.) I have definitely taken this a little close to heart-- with the intentions of not knowing if I am even the right person for what is going to take place!!! More about this later... 

Movie Synopsis

TOMORROW NIGHT---My twin sister and I along with our best friends are headed to see this new film that came out this year!! I am excited to spend quality time with my friends and getting to laugh until our hearts are tired--which if you ask me is more of a true statement than you'd think. It is definitely going to warm our hearts for sure and there is no question it will be an event to remember for years to come. This film is actually a sequel to one that was made back in 2014 titled: "Once I Was A Beehive." and if you've not had the chance to see it yet-- I would highly recommend that you do because it will inspire you to do just a little better. I may not know what other surprises this film will have in store for us, but I am really excited to see this new storyline come to life and realize the pressures that mother/daughter have when things do not turn out as planned. 

I'm not necessarily going to spill anymore on this film than what I have shared already... but I cannot wait to keep celebrating my birthday that took place last week. I am looking forward to reconnecting with these characters after they have all grown up a little bit and are moving on to other things in life that I am sure bring them even closer as a group. (Especially when there is a special occasion to share with all of your closest friends!!) 

Unofficial News: (Little Update)

My life has continued to remain busy with so much going on and can only imagine what will arrive on my lap next time around. I am grateful for the amazing people who are continuously patient with me & remind each other of what they can do... even if it feels like I am not doing nearly enough to reach out within my new leadership roles as I'd like to be. It has kept teaching me lessons about learning to never give up on what I am capable of doing and recognizing what my potential in life really is everyday. It is never going to become any much easier if I am not willing to step up to the plate and just make it clear that my voice gets heard. I may not be as educated or informed about stuff as I'd like to be in these new leadership positions--but all they expect me to do is my best and not worry about what I can't improve on to do a little better. 

Free Write

What does self care look like for you?

Listening to music has always lifted my spirits and given me a chance to escape from the struggles in my life on a regular basis. I am so grateful for the incredible peace that comes into my heart, when I am taking care of myself and knowing I can do what is best for me as opposed the other way around. I know my life is not necessarily perfect all the time and I continue making an endless list of mistakes, but there is not an absolute problem with learning to do better. 

"Dance like nobody is watching."

Whenever I've had moments to dance around in my room and just let out my emotions--- always helps me feel a little more at ease with life. I have always loved being able to have something other than writing to express how I feel during any kind of situation. It always keeps me focused on what is most important in my life everyday and dancing has been a part of me since like forever---but if you ask me, I do not really get opportunities to do it as much as I'd like to. I am grateful for the ability to express how I feel without using any words and just pretending like no one else is around. 

Maintaining Boundaries (Part Two)

This is probably one of the hardest things for me as an individual with a learning disorder. It is definitely something I know has been endlessly mentioned in my blog posts from past months and yet I know there are opportunities to realize it needs to help me, rather than wear me down into pieces. I may not ever have the answers to all of my questions whenever it comes to this stuff and yet I know this will make an even bigger impact on me than anything else. I've continued to struggle with this aspect of my life for some time now and sometimes it is not anything I am able to keep in my control--but the more things pertain to what I can improve on everyday is a blessing. I know this is important for anyone not only me when it comes to their highly personal life-- it is a little extra hard to navigate because due w/ everyone's different body language it is more hard to look past. I am not any expert whenever it comes with stuff correlated back to my mental health and keeping this perspective of what it not crossing that line in the sand, etc. 

New Stories

Mini Conferences (Weekly Updates)

This mini leadership conference was truly one of the most heartfelt and unforgettable moments for me as a self advocate, disability leader, mentor and everything in between. It was definitely an experience that has already left an imprint on my heart and one that I can only hope will continue on into the future. I am truly grateful for the opportunities that I had to share a self advocacy experience as well as talking about what the NINJA Conference is with my friends. It was such a sentimental experience for me as I shared a brief description about how much that conference has changed my life not only as a person, but someone who legitimately does push themselves into learning hard things. (Not getting my hopes up about if I will be re-selected again for next summer's in person conference!!) 

One of the hardest things about this event for me was not knowing my boundaries with certain people are still in their place. Fifteen months later I legitimately wanted to feel healed & could start over on a clean slate--which if you ask me is a whole different conversation for another time. I wanted to feel at peace in the sense of what I have experienced in these past few months and still am not there yet. I certainly need more than anything in this world to just feel like I'm able to move forward and not make a complete fool of myself anymore. I am obviously still struggling with this part of my life and quite frankly--there is not any closure in sight for me at this point. More about this later!!! 

Mini Highlights:

- Learning the importance of self advocacy and leadership skills from the most amazing people ever, not to mention laughing with my friends along the way ended up being really fun too!!

- Cooling off in the summer heat with fun water activities outside and getting scrumptious snow cones that legitimately melted after being out in the sun. Telling stories with my friends and just learning the ways we can improve on our leadership/advocacy skills, which is something I take close to heart every day. 

Mental Health Status: (Unofficial)

I am still obviously in the midst of not knowing when my priorities will get themselves straightened up and have quite a long ways to go before things are back to normal. I still am not feeling like I can ever show my unconditional love with people that I continuously work with and it has killed me so much. I am not certain my anxiety will settle itself down any time soon and knowing the circumstances that I'll be in for as long as I am involved with my leadership roles is just chomping at the bit. I've been writing on this blog for five years now and cannot imagine what my life would be if I did not have something I could turn towards for extra help to sustain me. 

More Boundaries?? (Continued)

Anyone who knows me well enough can relate to the fact-- I have always wanted to leave an imprint on the hearts of people I associate and work with. It has been an absolute uphill struggle for me everyday-- with trying my hardest to not pretend like having boundaries with myself and others is not hard enough on me as it is. I wanted to leave an imprint on the hearts of those who joined us today during our small leadership conference, which I feel like I completely neglected to even think about doing and now here I am not sure what else I can do?!?!

(End Of Part One)

Field Trip

YESTERDAY---I woke up early in the morning hours to get ready and glammed for a trip to the independent living center in SLC for two educational trainings.  I was so legitimately excited to have an opportunity of doing in person event this time and helping youth with disabilities learn about self determination. I was truly grateful to have been asked to do this not once, but twice and if you must know--that doesn't necessarily happen too often. 

After an hour train ride up to the Murray Station, I climbed off the frontrunner and went to look for my boss who was going to drive me and my colleague to the Independent Living Center. Once we arrived, there was certainly a lot of excitement in the air as I anticipated to present in front of such an incredible group of people. I knew in the back of my mind there would be a Mini Leadership Conference going on, with the idea that I knew both of my amazing colleagues from USILC would be there!!! As I slowly was getting started with this presentation, I was feeling extremely nervous and my heart immediately begins to start pounding really fast. I could not keep the biggest smile off my face as I stood up there and tried with all of my might to keep myself composed. 

I certainly enjoyed getting to add my own little personality into the training itself and that is something I keep close to my heart. I have been doing these trainings for three and a half years now, which is just an absolute dream come true for me!! So many of the self advocates we trained were so engaged in what we had going on--I was completely blown away with how much they knew about and wanted to learn through out their lives. 

Legitimate Highlights:

Getting to make my favorite people laugh and smile throughout yesterday, was just a delight in more ways than one!!! I love spending time with incredible people who are genuinely passionate, dedicated about what they do everyday and I'm not sure I would be the self advocate I am without them. 

Went out to lunch with my colleagues who can make me laugh like no one else can!!! We certainly just enjoy each other's company and shared a scrumptious lunch together at a place, that I had never been to in my lifetime. But it was such a wonderful experience to visit with each other and share stories that I'll genuinely keep myself quiet about--haha!! :) 

Heartfelt Moment:

During my second training--- I was asked a specific question about something related back to if it was hard for me to get up and going with my volunteering experience. I didn't necessarily think much about the fact I was going to become slightly teary eyed and not knowing how much it would strike deep with me as I shared my response with everybody. It was very much from the heart and even though I did not express it in the way I wanted to... I could truly hope that the imprint I left on their hearts stays with them forever. 

Ice Cream Toast (Random Story)

My mentor with the speakers network and I went to get an ice cream cone, which if you must know is a treat for me whenever the opportunity comes up!!! To make this a very long hilarious story brief, I kept mentioning how much I wanted one of the guest speakers who were at the mini conference, could have been with us to get a summer treat--and instead decided to make a toast to this person with our melting ice cream cones!!! Talk about passion right there my friends! I genuinely wished they had been with us and shared in that celebratory moment--but hey I'm sure it will mean something to them when they hear the legitimate news tomorrow!! 

Untitled Post

 Special Occasion (Coming Soon)

One of my best friend's lives is about to be changed forever and I could not be more than excited for them to embark on a new journey with someone who loves them so much. I am grateful for the opportunity that me and my best friends get to participate in their celebration--which I am certain will be talked about for a very long time!!! I cannot wait to feel more of the excitement we will have for each other and slowly with leading up to this special event--I can only imagine the mixed emotions as well as the heartfelt moments-- we will get to share with our best friend. Please stay tuned for more updates and stories about this to come at a later time!!! 

Mini Leadership Conference (Repetitive Stuff)

This will be taking place later on in the week and cannot wait to soak in every moment that I will share w/ all of my friends. I cannot wait for an opportunity to showcase my leadership skills for an entire day and continue learning whatever they can to become leaders like myself. I know whenever events like these-- come to an end it is always bittersweet for me because I love participating in events that stretch me in so many ways that I never imagined possible. Again, I recommend that you stay tuned for more legitimate stories to come up on here at some point whenever I find myself getting around to it. 

Special Needs Ballroom (Wednesday)

I cannot wait for the first practice that begins tomorrow night!!! I have been a part of this event for eleven years now and every summer when it comes around, I cannot help but feel a little excited to finally have a chance to showcase my dancing skills. I'm also thrilled with getting to spend a lot of much needed time alongside my friends and sharing the joy in something that my older sister loved doing so much growing up, which if you ask me is a story for another time. My older sister began this event like I mentioned before eleven years ago and little did I know what an impact it would have on my life. I am so grateful for the opportunity of seeing a very competitive event turn into something that is all about having fun with your friends and no matter what the results are, it brings me peace knowing I was able to give it my best. 

Enthusiasm

I'm grateful for the opportunity to attend a patriotic fireside at Lavell Edwards Stadium on BYU Campus and feel inspired by the messages we'll hear about what this holiday means. It's been such a long time for me since I ever posted about any kind of an outdoor event that didn't require safety protocols. I am truly grateful for all of the many men and women who have sacrificed so much for our country and working really hard to keep it a safe place to live in everyday. I am grateful for their contributions to our nation more often than ever before and not just because of the unfortunate situation we found ourselves in less than a year ago--but knowing we can overcome anything and come back stronger is incredible!!! 

Other News: (Coming Soon)

I've obviously blogged about this too much on here and yet it cannot arrive soon enough!!! I am excited for the unforgettable opportunity to participate and help make my independent living center's miniature leadership conference later on this week. I can only hope things will turn out smoothly and everyone has an incredible time learning about what they can do to improve on their skills as disability advocates. It is definitely not something that I am certain will happen again any time soon--but I want to take it close to heart and soak in every moment I can. 

Imprints (New Blog Post)

Please stay tuned for a brand new post on this at some point down the road. I still haven't necessarily figured out the way I'd like to make this happen and can only hope for the best in however this turns out for me!!! I have genuinely wanted to express how each person in my life has left an imprint on me and I am grateful for their examples to me of what it means to be a good role model. Stay tuned for more updates on this when it actually comes together and I can make it sound very eloquent :)