Numb (Part Two)

My good friend Josh attended classes and activities at our independent living center for sixteen years, which kind of blew me away a little bit. I had no idea that his journey in the world of independent living began at such a young age and until his return back to the other side, I never would have guessed that his legacy of what it means to be a good leader, self advocate and everything in between would have lead me to where I am now. His example to me of trying to persevere through the hard times with a good attitude never ceased to amaze me in more ways than I could ever put into words in a blog post. He left an imprint on my heart in a way that I know will stick with me forever and cannot thank him enough for the person that he was in not only in my life, but in the lives of so many people. I may not have known him for nearly as long as other people did, but I am so grateful for the opportunity that I had of being acquainted with an extraordinary person who wanted nothing more than to see life in a different way. I am grateful for all of the many laughs we shared together with our friends and being reminded to not take life too seriously if not all the time. 

(Conclusion)

I struggled with my friend's unexpected return home three years ago and still cannot imagine how life has gone on without him. He had an entire road left for him to roll down and tackle experiences that I am sure he never imagined himself having until now. However, the song numb performed by David Archuleta got me through it in a way that I did not think was possible and the lyrics have gotten themselves stuck inside my head. I listened to the song on repeat multiple times and didn't find myself wanting any other song to be played expect for this one in particular. It kept me feeling numb towards what was going on in the moment when I clearly didn't want to feel anything more than guilt for not having known just the circumstances my friend Josh was faced up against. I had no idea there was a lot more happening in his life than what I was able to visibly see with my own two eyes. I am pretty certain my good friend Josh would not have wanted me to feel numb about him not being on this earth and not continuing to enjoy life to the fullest. He would want me to push through any obstacles that have ever come into my path and just tackle each of them in a way, that I did not think for even a second was possible.


I am grateful his legacy has continued to push me along these past almost eighteen months of so many unknowns and not having the answers I need to break through these walls, that legitimately kept me back from seeing the bigger picture. After learning some of the hardest lessons from these past several months, I know my life is nothing short of what you would call "A delightful walk of an experience for the most part and yet there are times when my numbness is so visibly real that I just let it out on other people. But it has gotten slightly easier to realize what my potential in life is to not continuously hold a grudge towards something I felt numb about. I am so thankful this song helped keep me sane when I felt like everything right in front of me, was falling apart with not any kind of explanation whatsoever. 

But what did I learn from this experience??

Life is never going to not hand us trials, that we will never be able to handle. It may not what we want in the moment we feel at such a loss with little to no energy-- but I am hopeful as a disability leader, self advocate, mentor and friend that I can keep in mind: "You are stronger than you think and braver than you realize." All I have to do is remind myself everyday--"You'll be able to handle anything that gets put into your hands and just believe in yourself to never stare back but just keep looking forward."