Reflections (Part One)

"Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior."

I've always known that regardless of anything I ever have to face in my life, the Savior will always be there for us and lift us up whenever we need him the most at any given moment. I have always known that for about as long as I can remember and trying to keep that spiritual perspective in mind at all times or wherever I am in this world. 

I know that faith doesn't necessarily make things easier for us, but it makes them possible and sometimes I need to recognize that in my life a little more than I normally do. I am not particularly sure what my Father in Heaven is trying to teach me at this time about whether or not I need to remember that His hand is always outstretched still waiting for me to take a hold of at some point whenever I need to hang onto it.



Whenever I have reflected back on this past week and the things that I have had to experience were incredibly difficult for a person like me to never quite fully understand for whatever reasons those may be. I know for me it hasn't ever continued to be so less or more challenging to keep those people in my life, than it has been over the past twenty years or whatever u would like to narcissistically picture that in your head.

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"A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand & touches your heart."

This past week I was about to the point where things in my life felt impossibly unbearable to look into seeing as a positive influence on me. I will not go into the details of what happened but the fact that it was not something I'd even come close to recognizing as a problem for me which it never will be at any time in my life. I know that I will never come to understand everything that took place over the course of this week alone and leading up to what was going on, I felt this emptiness in my heart--that I had never felt before but who knows what could happen down the road?? Am I ever gonna feel like it was an experience that my Father in Heaven knew I needed to go through in order to fully just understand what was happening in this moment?? I am probably one of the fewest people on planet earth who would ever learn something from what took place and not knowing if it was ever much of any of my business to have heard about this particular situation???? I may never have that answer to what I wanted to have at that time of this struggle and yet noticing everyone around me knew all of the circumstances in regards to the trial that was in front of their faces? I know my friends who had this experience not be of anything that was not close to necessary for me to be there in comforting each of them for???? 

I am not trying to come across emotionally negative about all of this, but in the sense of what I was experiencing this week alone I didn't feel nearly as prepared for what was to come. I know when my friends from many memorable moments of my life were there at this occasion we had attended, that even one of them who I have felt so immensely close to more than anything would not have seen all of that pain I was consistently having a hard time seeing past from what was in front of their faces... 

FLASH BACK to earlier this week and trying to emotionally understand what was really going on here. I will never fully understand the sense of what was happening and yet again I knew my heart was not ever going to feel the same again after a situation like this one. I know that it was not at all one of the happiest moments in my life and let alone was it that way for anyone elses. It has literally been a very difficult week for me to not see past what is right front of my face and letting it help me grow into a better person. I am not here today to make it come across being down about myself...but having realized that it was the way things needed to be is a little harder for me to kind of get the bigger picture into what this is really about. 

Am I ever gonna completely know or not feel like this experience was not something my Father in Heaven knew I needed to go through in order to just understand what had just taken place???? I am probably one of the few pple in this world, who would ever learn something from a trial such as this one and not have quite fully figured out what was making everyone grieve in such pain???? Obviously, I noticed everyone around who knew so much more about this than I did for me to make the effort of realizing that they knew exactly what was going on???? 




I will not ever quite have seen the bigger picture in what was truly an emotional rollercoaster of emotions for me?!?!! I may not see myself wanting to face this kind of situation again and yet it was nothing more than just a whirlwind of ya know unexpected/confused feelings?? I'll most likely never know why things didn't turn out better than it should have and regardless of whatever those hardships are that come into our lives, We have someone there with us to make our burdens less heavy than it needs to be.